Thursday, March 30, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
So I'm bored with the way my blog looks but I don't have enough time to change the whole template today. So I have altered the title a little. I expect to be changing the colors etc soon if this mood lasts for more than a few more days. I know the title may appear a little harsh to some of my Christian friends but this is the nicest way I have come up with to explain how much this hurts.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
I am not suggesting the "perfect person" but it could make life and work a little more bearable. I have worked with some wonderful people in my life and I have worked with a few tyrants in my life as well. I wish at times that I could take the best characteristics out of several different people and create a coworker/ supervisor who is patient, tolerant, rich (so they could pay me well), benevolent, full of grace and mercy, but strong enough to hire and keep the people who care about the job they are doing and doing it well.
Most of the people I work with are great. Some have even become people I consider to be friends. When you work in a building full of women there are bound to be issues but the mature people choose to work it out like grownups.
I love what I do for a living. It is my passion to work with children. I love to be that influence, that nurturer and the one who makes a difference in their life. I just wish everyone I worked with felt the same way. And I wish as a society we could make a choice to pay teachers what they deserve. All teachers.
Monday, March 27, 2006
I can't believe that in May it will have been a year since Big Red told me about the affair. I have been struggling for most of that time about several issues to say the least...
In my DivorceCare last week we discussed the whole issue of SEX. I know that I am not going to sound like everyone else out there but... SEX is a God designed intimate time for a husband and wife. This is a new concept for me.
I have not always been a Christian. I was not a virgin when I got married and Big Red was not the first. WHEW...Glad that's out in the open!
I have seen the issues first hand that arise from sex outside of marriage. Big Red and I started off on a shaky foot because of some of those issues. Since I became a Christian I have watched how it affects people and the damage that came be done.
All that being said...since we discussed this topic in DivorceCare I have been struggling. Oh who am I kidding it hasn't just been the past week that I have struggled!
I know that this is an "obedience thing". God says no and I must live by that.
This point might be more than you bargained for...
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Maybe I just miss him right now...
Saturday, March 25, 2006
I had a few groups that I needed to discuss things with and remind them that people around them were praying etc. Respectful was the idea while we were in the worship service. Loud and rowdy was reserved for the games and contests later in the night.
I would estimate about 150-200 children were present. Some for the lock in and some from another ministry that asked to join just the worship service last night. We had about 1 adult for every 10 children. That may sound intimidating until I explain that most of the children present where there to meet with God on a serious level.
The Youth Worship band was wonderful. I can't explain what it looks like to see all those kids down front dancing and praising God in a genuine way. With hands raised in the air and singing at the top of their lungs the Church was ROCKING!
The speaker was GREAT and kept their attention well and then came the prayer time.
Many children made commitments to God or recommitted themselves to God. They spent about 35-40 minutes down front praying. Some on their knees, some with hands in the air and some laying flat crying because "God was in the House". I could feel God's presence around the kids.
The part that makes this amazing to me is that the children were grades 2-5 only. Seven to 10 years old was the average age. A 7 year old spending a half hour praying without wavering just astounds me.
Matthew 18:2-6 (The Message)
2For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, 3and said, "I'm telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you're not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. 4Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God's kingdom. 5What's more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it's the same as receiving me.
6"But if you give them a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their simple trust, you'll soon wish you hadn't. You'd be better off dropped in the middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck.
Wow is all I can say.
Later today I want to post on the Spring Fling from last night...it was amazing!
Friday, March 24, 2006
I just don't think I am up to being locked in the same rooms that I work in 40 hours a week and worship in that building every week as well. I did ask if Big Red would be helping before I agreed to help. I was told no.
I have continued to pray for Big Red as he seems to slip further and further away from God , the Church and the friends and relationships we had established. I have released him to God as I don't believe it is my responsibilty to anything more than pray at this point. But it doesn't mean I want to be helping at the same events if he chooses to reappear at Church. Of course first he would need to ask to be able to partcipate in a ministry leadership position and right now there is no way he would be allowed to minister to others (by teaching a class or mentoring children) when he can't get his own life under control.
He has in the past been a group leader for this event and talked about how powerful it is to watch the children worship with relatively few adults present. Big Red said it is just different and he couldn't explain it.
I am excited to see how things go tonight. Maybe I will update later.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
- The most popular type of Chocolate in America is Milk Chocolate.
- The Hershey bar was invented in 1894.
- Switzerland is the country that consumes the most chocolate every year.
- Dark Chocolate may help fight high cholesterol.
- US chocolate manufactures use about 3.5 million pounds of milk each day.
- The average Chocolate bar contains about 220 calories.
- Leonard Hershfield invented the Tootsie Roll and named it after his daughter.
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands--and then eat just one of the pieces."~Judith Viorst
"Exercise is a dirty word! Everytime I hear it, I wash my mouth out with Chocolate." ~Charles M. Schultz
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
I am ready to look forward to a new chapter in my life. I am ready to move on. I hope that someday I can use this experience to help someone else down the road.
I am very thankful for the support, comfort and encouragement that I have received from some of my friends. I would like to be the one on the other end of the help next time around.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Most days when I'm not busy being a referee to my two year olds in the class I love reading stories which is great because they LOVE to listen to their favorite books over and over again. We have 3 books that we MUST read every morning. If we don't read them there will be tears, fits thrown and other dire consequences. As if several two year olds throwing fits isn't consequence enough...
So I have been reading these books for almost 2 years straight every day. The children only move on when they turn 3 years old. Because they do not have their birthdays all on the same day we always have a child that "member dat book". I have managed to take breaks from a book occasionally but never more than one book for more than a week or two. So I know the books by heart. I even know when to turn the pages to keep up with the pictures. The children also know the stories by heart. Most days they say them VERY loudly so everyone in the daycare can also hear their favorite story as well.
We even managed to turn Brown Bear Brown Bear into a song/ performance for our Spring Program last year. Hey they like it so why not go with it?
I think the kids like one of the books just because they like to say the word "poopy" because it is called the "Poopy Book" instead of Everyone Poops.
I think they like The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear because of the repeating words and the "suspense" of the story.
Beside where else could you read a book outloud about poop?
Monday, March 20, 2006
I feel like if I could I would love to moon Mother Nature today! But then again my a$$ would probably get frostbite and then I wouldn't be able to ride my scooter this summer! At 10 AM it was only 20 degree with the windchill. This is not Spring. Did someone get it wrong on the calendar? Did anyone notify the weather man?
I hope Spring actually arrives soon...cabin fever is kicking my butt today!
Oh I almost forgot I have a friend who lives in the Warsaw area who once said the easiest way to remember her Birthday was because it was the first day of Spring and, "I'm no Spring Chicken anymore."
So Chickie consider this your offical Happy Birthday from one4jc! Unless you want me to sing?
Sunday, March 19, 2006
A "genuine" Elvis Presley fart. Yes you read that right. Hurry and bid now as there is a buy it now price!
This person is just flat out begging for money for food (but he'll throw in a cd too).
If you want to win the contents of Ryan's back pocket just bid. As of right now it is at over $21.00!
And just for my "clown" friends you can bid to save or destroy a specific clown figure for only $1.00.
Or lastly how about an all access pass to Area 51? It is only at about $1.5 Million right now.
If you happen to bid on any let me know... LOL
Saturday, March 18, 2006
13 Oh! May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!
I really needed to see that today.
I in no way am offended by larger women or intend to offend women with this post.. If you know me you understand that I have been one of those women**. I am not making fun of these women only bringing light to my situation and I am enjoying the cartoon aspect of this post. There is some adult content in a cartoon fashion on this site so be warned. I am trying to find my sense of humor again. Did it work?
I had a nightmare this week. In a previous post I mentioned that Big Red had been "caught" in our front yard talking to the strippers. So I was tormented with this dream of him with other women...many other women. I don't want him back but it still hurts to see him with others (if that makes sense). I went to a site to play games this morning and clear my mind when I found a link to the Dirty Dancing site. In my morning haze I thought oh cool a Dirty Dancing site. I love the first love aspect of the movie but as you can see that was not what I actually got here.
I typed in Big Red's name and belly laughed all the way through the clip. If I have to struggle with seeing him with other women I need this image in my head to combat the feelings. I would rather see this when his words of, "better wife", "loves me more" or the other insults he threw my way when he was mad ring in my mind.
If nothing else I have helped myself laugh today instead of cry.
**I have lost almost 60 lbs since this whole mess started!
Friday, March 17, 2006
In my younger years I would have been drunk on a barstool by now. But given my issues with libations I choose not to partake in the festivities this year.
Although I am hoping that Mom has a date tonight just so she will leave the house. Beau has been sick all week so she hasn't seen him since Sunday evening. For those keeping score that mean she has missed 3 dances and a dinner with him. She seems to really like this guy and is looking forward to the entire family having dinner together after Church this Sunday. I have met him but other members of my family have not yet had the pleasure. I hope they will be able to get passed the resemblance to my late father.
I have done a little research on St. Patrick himself and wish to include it but why type all that when you can click this link and find all the information you need. If you want "just the facts" you can follow this link to see the historical perspective.
You can find fun games for the kids at this one. Or fun facts on beer, screen savers and poems at this site. If you are like me and enjoy the trivia side of things try this one.
Well since I will be saving my money this year I could not resist posting this shamrock picture made with a dollar.
Have a great day and please drive safely tonight!
I leave you with two of my favorite Irish blessings:
May your day be filled with blessings
Like the sun that lights the sky,
And may you always have the courage
To spread your wings and fly!
May your troubles be as few and far between
As my grandmother's teeth.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
If you have read this for very long you know that I have children. They just happen to live in Heaven already. I have had several miscarriages... including losing the twins separately. I haven't made it past the 13th week ever, but I am still very attached to them, have named some of them and know that I will know them in Heaven when I see them. I have grieved their losses individually and collectively every week, every month, and at times every minute.
As I sat in class last night watching the video and then listening to the others in the class discuss how difficult it has been on the children and on themselves as well watching their children go through this it hit me like a ton of bricks. For the first time ever I actually felt thankful that my children are not here to witness this.
I did not take this thought well at all. After class I sought out a couple friends to help me understand why I felt this way. You need to understand that this is the ONLY time I have been "happy" that I don't have my kids here with me.
They calmly explained to me that it is a natural feeling to want to protect your children during difficult times. I knew that but.....
"No that doesn't make you a bad person or a bad Mom because you feel that way...it means you are continuing to heal."
Wow! I hadn't thought of it like that. I'm actually feeling the "right thing" that comes naturally to Moms even with my kids in Heaven. I guess I am truly a Mother in my heart...
I feel like I am on the upside of this part of the rollercoaster ride of emotions. I need to remember to lean into God at every turn. Lean on Him when I don't feel like I can go another step forward. Turn to Him...
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
The DivorceCare class has helped me tremendously by helping me cope with all the different emotions I have right now. I am starting to feel a little hopeful about the possibility of having a future of some kind.
The bottom line is that Divorce Sucks! I detest the tearing apart feeling, the lack of control I feel, the "looks" by people who don't understand the situation and all the other crap that goes along with it.
The funny things that pops into my mind when I look at the picture above is:
* Why is she gripping the bag so tightly?
* Is that a half drunk smile?
* Divorce makes you poor...she can't even get her roots done....
Do you have any thoughts?
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
I can't wait until all this stuff is over and the money is separated...
I managed to avoid any conflicts with my Mom today. That always makes for a good day.
I need a real vacation! One in which the cell phone doesn't work because I'm too far away to receive service. A vacation that I need to pack a suit case and travel by plane to an exotic destination. One where no one knows where I am located...The missions trip to Jamaica in November will be a welcomed change of pace.
Monday, March 13, 2006
3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" 11"No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
Until I can cast the first stone. Until I can be the one without sin. Until I can be in that position I have no right to be judgmental. I carry it in my pocket to remind myself that I am not the one who judges others. It is not my job. There are times that I am kneeling down grasping that rock in my hand asking God to help me, to forgive me and to have mercy on me once again.
I don't go on with my day until I can drop the rock on the ground.
This verse really speaks to me on many levels. I also see that it was the older ones who left first followed by the younger ones. The older ones were wiser and "got it" first. But that is an entirely different post on the Titus principle...
"Well I hope you have been saving your money because I am going to get fined by the city for the trash blowing all over the neighborhood!"
Here it is.....
On Saturday some people (from a group she is in) came over and worked on her house because she had "won them" in a silent auction a while ago. They gathered the yard waste and trash (boxes from things they had put together) etc from around the house and placed them by the garage. We joked about the garbage man having a heart attack because there is so much. I said MAYBE I would try to start moving it on Sunday to get a jump on it because there is so much.
I did not need an extra day to move the trash! There was not that much!
From this conversation it moved to... I will be responsible for the fine from the city.
So I am responsible for the trash that her friends left by the garage on Saturday. I was over across the street in my dear sister's garage fixing my car....Remember the Oxygen Sensor! I think I am going to start a count down to when she is going back to the lake for the summer.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
I am looking forward to actually purchasing the scooter and being able to call her my own. I stopped by the house today to retrieve mail and Big Red was there. He started asking questions about my sister's scooter... How much to fill it up? How many miles to the gallon? Is it street legal? Insurance? Plates? WHERE IS YOUR HELMET? Oh my.... I used to get on him for riding his Motorcycle 75 mph with no helmet...Trying wheelies....burn outs? Etc. Now the shoe is on the other foot and he didn't like it...Not one bit. I informed him that it really wasn't his concern any longer! Did I just hear you say Good Job? Thanks...
One day soon Tinkerbell will be all mine...
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Can you tell I'm a little excited?
Friday, March 10, 2006
"...was arrested for theft in the fifth degree. In March 1997, she was convicted of driving while license suspended. She was required to perform community service work for these crimes"
"was arrested for public intoxication and possession. of less than an ounce of marijuana at 686 Lighthouse..."
"was charged Wednesday with felony counts of endangering the welfare of children and false imprisonment for restraining the children by using duct tape."
"was arrested and faces charges of Impaired Driving, Driving with More than 80mgs, Failing to Remain, No Insurance, No Valid Plate, and G2 Licence Holder Exceed Zero B.A.C. She is scheduled to appear in Guelph Court on April 10th, 2006 to answer to the charges."
I REPEAT this was done in fun and in no way represents my life. :o)
I don't want to post them to glorify my actions...actually I'm not proud of any of them...but mostly to show how God can work miracles in someones life.
Maybe I should start off with some of the great things He has done in my life.
October 27, 2004
On Thursday night during the recent week of prayer a miracle occurred. Pastor had asked for people to go down to pray for the leadership of the church that was present at this particular service. I went down, as I felt led to pray for these people. While many of us were still standing by the alter someone (I believe it was Pastor) said that the Holy Spirit was leading them to pray for healing. A gentleman was standing next to me when he turned and said, “You need healed. Can we pray?” Of course I said yes but did not share the specific needs that I had. I had several things that God could have healed me from and it was His choice anyway, so I stepped out in faith. Several people prayed gathered around me in a circle. I felt a warm sensation spread throughout my entire body. It rushed from to the top of my head to the tips of my toes and back again. I began to weep and praise God. I imagine it was quite a sight to see me standing on the alter with my hands thrust Heavenward, tears streaming down my face and my voice crying out to God in praise and worship. I instantly knew God had healed me, I just wasn’t sure of what.
The following day I was bursting with excitement. I could not wait to discover what God had done exactly and then tell everyone I saw! I decided to set up an appointment with the Doctor to take a few tests so that I could pinpoint my healing. My sister was graduating from College on this evening. Not wanting to take away from her special day I did not say anything to anyone in my family aside from my husband. After the commencement ceremonies we had all gone to Pizza Hut to celebrate with her.
While at the restaurant I accidentally ate cheese sauce that had Jalapeno peppers in it. I informed Big Red just so that he could be on guard. Nothing happened. I continued through the evening as planned. Now I know this does not sound like any BIG MIRACLE until I tell you that all my life I have had a severe allergy to any type of pepper. Eating a green/red pepper, jalapeno, chili pepper, chili powder, or eggplant would cause me to go into anaphylactic shock. What that means is that my windpipe would swell shut, my lungs would become inflamed to the point that I felt like they were on fire and I would begin to have extreme difficulty breathing. Often these reactions would cause me to break blood vessels on my face and chest as I struggled for breath. Without the inhaler (that I carried with me) and taking 6x the recommended dosage of Benedryl immediately I could die. On this evening I knew God had chosen to heal me of this life-threatening allergy!
As I began to tell people of this miracle I was cautioned to test my allergy in a controlled environment, don’t be disappointed if God didn’t heal me and keep praying for wisdom to know when to test this allergy. The look on the faces as I told people that it was unintentionally already tested was priceless!
I have since begun to explore the world of “spicy foods”. I have eaten at Carlos O’Kelly’s, Chili’s and other formerly forbidden restaurants. In addition to experiencing a “God Moment” first hand and knowing that God CAN do anything, I have also discovered another interesting item. Just because I can eat salsa now doesn’t mean that I will automatically enjoy it!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Typical things that happen on any given day in a two year old classroom:
- One or 10 potty accidents. Ranging from a little "squirtation" to a downright flooding of the shoes. You have to find humor in these events because if you don't you won't last long in a preschool setting. We could discuss the various "aiming" issues of trying to teach little bays to stand up...
- I won't even discuss the "muddy" issues. But how does a child NOT know that they are pooping??
- Oh and the words they say that the parent's don't think their child hears them say!
- A complete meltdown full blown fit including kicking, screaming, tears and fist pounding over something as little as dropping their spoon on the floor at lunch. Heaven help us if someone takes a toy, hits a friend or pushes anyone!
- When a two year old is not focused on an activity they tend to make their own activities. This can include painting their friend green, starting the daily 3000 lap marathon race around the room or finding out what exactly happens when I pull my friend's ponytail.
- Almost every two year old I have met decides at some point that they must know how to fly. This event is preceded by climbing to the highest point in the room (this may be a filing cabinet, a toy cubby, a diaper changing station or to the top of the rocking chair) before falling/flying off to a hard landing usually on top of a friend. See point #3 on meltdowns.
- And of course the biggest of all the two year old creed! If I had it, played with it yesterday, saw a friend play with it, thought about playing with it, thought about a friend playing with it...IT IS MINE!
- I get to hear everyday, " I love you!"
- I can wear the same shirt printed with the daycare logo everyday and still be told that I am pretty.
- "Bad hair day"?? No such thing when I have your own stylists to "help" with my hair as soon as I sit on the floor.
- Seeing the look of amazement and surprise that a child gets when they figure something out for the first time.
- When they come in for the day having a child jump out of Mom's arms to run over and give me a hug is a great feeling.
- Hearing a child repeat my words as I pray with them before nap.
- No one sounds bad singing when accompanied by 15 two year olds.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Bottom line...God is still on the throne and in charge!
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Dana Reeve passed away late Monday night at the tender age of 44 years old. She died of Lung Cancer even though she never smoked a cigarette. Even at only 44 years old she had lived a trying, at times difficult but happy life.
After Christopher Reeve's death October of 2004 she became the new Chair of the Christopher Reeve foundation. I admire this woman because she stepped up and took care of her husband when he needed it the most. It didn't matter that they were both famous, that he was Superman or that she had a successful acting career. She loved her husband and honored him until his last breathe.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Ok with that said...
She only told me because she was "cancelling" the plans with me! Trust me I would have remembered being invited to a whole family sit down with Beau!
Had this actually happened and I already had plans made there would have been hell to pay! Short of having her declared incompetent I don't see another way to force the issue of medical testing. These little episodes are getting more and more frequent and throw in the fact that shes talking marriage to a 78 year old man and it becomes down right scary!
I had a difficult time understanding this before I was a Christian. I thought I had to make myself good enough for God. Well that can never happen! I thought that He only listened to "His children" His saved ones you know those "perfect Christians". Believe me when I say I had done many things wrong...even by the worlds standards I was on the fringe ethically speaking. At points I made no effort to even appear as a good decent human being. I simply didn't care.
Through a series of events like the miscarriages of the twins, loss of a parent, impending loss of an in-law, added stress in the form of Big Red's sister and family living with us within weeks of the wedding, the uncertainty of September 11th, both of us being unemployed for a period of time and many other things I found that God had drawn me close to Himself. Amazingly through all these things I survived despite the fact that I was not depending on God.
It took a couple of very close friends to reignite the seeds of faith that had been planted so many years before. Someone to explain that God was only a thought, a word, a cry for help away from me.
If you gain a laugh or a smile from reading my blog it is great. If you are a follower I hope that you are inspired to share your faith with someone else. For others, at the very least I pray that I am planting a seed of faith that someone later in your life will cultivate into great faith.
I still have the link at the side for God's Plan...do you know Him?
Check out this cool link to a video called "That's my King". Turn up the sound and enjoy it.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
So we went to start separating the bills etc. today. We got to the assigned Cell phone company and actually agreed on which phones to trade up to (we both were running out of time with our phones constantly dropping calls and other numerous problems because of their age). Overall not a horrible experience yet...
They ran his credit history to start the new account and even with his soc. number entered it kept coming up that he was 63 years old. Granted he is older than me but only in months not years! Long story short ( I know too late) his name is actually Big Red the III (well you get the picture). That is exactly how old his father would be right now had he not passed away a couple of years ago. Quickly turning horrible....
I did end up with a new inexpensive phone complete with camera and all the bells and whistles that I need.
The highlight to this whole afternoon was when we were playing around with the cell phones on display we found one that has a ring tone of a woman's voice saying, "Honey I want to talk to you!" We both burst into laughter. The thoughts in my head were a combination of why would I want to talk to him and maybe he could use that for his girlfriends. I think maybe his thoughts might have been similar.
I dug out this old Farside cartoon by Gary Larson and had to post it. It seems today I have a sense of humor about the entire situation just because of it's absurdity. I wish it would have been Jane Goodall because I know I could have taken her out :o)
Friday, March 03, 2006
That is my goal for tomorrow and I will get it accomplished!!!
You're Babar the King!
by Jean de Brunhoff
Though your life has been filled with struggle and sadness of late,
you're personally doing quite well for yourself. All this success brings responsibility,
though, and should not be taken lightly. Life has turned from war to peace, from damage
to reconstruction, and this brings a bright new hope for everyone you know. These hopeful
people look to you for guidance, and your best advice to them is to watch out for snakes.
You're quite fond of the name "Celeste".
Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
The odd thing is that this was one of my favorite stories as a child. Check out BigCoffeePlz
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Don't get me wrong I love my friends...even the ones who occasionally drive me nuts. Even my OCD friends, my younger friends, my non christian friends and even the friends who are disguised as family.
Maybe this guy had too harsh of a workout at the gym and on the way home he just couldn't go on....
Just a place to ramble today I guess...