Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Tagged again...

Sigh... I got tagged again...

Four jobs you have had in your life:

1. Short order cook in a small lakeside diner

2. Little Caesar's pizza

3. Attendant at a pool hall on campus during college

4. Daycare teacher...Daycare director... back to teacher....

Four movies you would watch over and over:

1. Fried Green Tomatoes

2. Shawshank Redemption

3. The Princess Bride

4. What a Woman Wants

Four places you have lived:

1. Fort Wayne, In

2. South of Fort Wayne, In

3. North of Fort Wayne, In

4. ANd back to Fort Wayne, In

(I know. I'm very boring, but I am doing this anonymous)

Four TV shows you love to watch:

1. Law & Order

2. Grace Under Fire

3. The Biggest Loser

4. Dr. Phil ( I know, I know)

Four places you have been on vacation:

1. Dallas, Texas

2. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

3. Man that is boring! I'll make up the next one!

4. Ireland....yes that is much better

Four websites I visit daily:

1. My cell phone bill site to check minutes

2. Blogs blogs blogs

3. EBay

4. Game sites Yahoo, fetchfido, pogo etc

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Mashed Potatoes

2. Anything chocolate

3. Steak

4. Cheese

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. Heaven
2. Jamaica
3. Dallas
4. Ireland

Four people I am tagging that I think will respond...

1. My Views through Stained Glass

2. Bulgarian Girl

3. As my World Turns

4. Oh crap I think the only person left is Sheri and well I just can't tag her AGAIN!

Four things I always carry with me:

1. Cell phone

2. A Rock (I'll explain that in a different post)

3. Koosh ball or some other toy to keep my hands busy when I have to sit still

4. Tic Tacs Posted by Picasa

My Mom's Beau....

So my Mom had another "discussion" with me about her Boyfriend. Let's just call him "Beau". The conversation started out discussing a new life insurance policy she is thinking about buying. I have seen too many Law and Order episodes because my first thought was, "Who is behind this? Who's idea was it? Who is the beneficiary? And how much is it worth?"...

Of course I did not rattle off all these questions. I let her slowly elaborate on this issue.

And I do mean slooooooooooowly....... If you knew my Mother you would know that she can turn the sentence, "Do you know what time it is?" into a 20 minute diatribe on time, it's relevance to her life, what I have done wrong to time and how she has been cheated out of it by X, Y, and Z.

So apparently Beau and my Mother have had several talks about getting married. She says she has told him that she will not marry him for at least a year. When I queried further on this she finally clarified that she meant a year from his wife's death not a year from their first date. Which she said would be around Labor Day. My Mom is not "firing on all cylinders"...ok I'm trying to be polite... and it makes me wonder if he is "firing on all cylinders". I know that he wears a hearing aid and it must not be tuned right because he is always yelling at me when I am only 5 feet away. Maybe that is the key! He can't hear her! Anyway....

They have even discussed a "pre-nup/will" of sorts where his kids would get his things and my sister and I would get her things etc. There is also a way to divide equally any assets aquired within the marriage to both families???!!! They have put a lot of thought into this...

Oh and the questions above? Maybe enough to bury her...my sister and I would get it....not the estate or Beau and it was her idea.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Dr. Phil

I would love to know what Dr. Phil's take on this whole situation would be. I love his no nonsense approach to people. You see Big Red got his divorce papers on Saturday. Are you ready for this...He is mad at me! He had the affair. He refuses to consult with "Godly Counsel". He refuses to go back to the Counselor. He refuses to cut contact with his female friends. He refuses to stop going to the bars and/or going to play pool.

Up to a point I would have jumped through hoops to save this marriage. I compromised, I agreed to things in counseling that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, I tried. I would have roped the moon for him if he would have asked me to.

The problem is that one person cannot fix it by themselves. I can't jump through hoops and be the only one trying. If both people give 110% it can be a great marriage. If only one is 110% and the other is anything less than that it can become very one sided. I started to become a doormat. God never intends for anyone to be a doormat.

I am still mad at Big Red. I am furious, livid and downright irate.

But I still love my husband...no one ever teaches you how to fall out of love.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006

I know that is supposed to rain on Monday but I am really looking for a day that is above 25 degrees with the windchill and the sun to be out so that we can take the children outside to play. I really want my coteacher to come back to work too. Am I asking for too much?? Posted by Picasa

My Frappr map is back

It seems as though I have quite a few people from all over the world who read my blog. I decided to bring back the Frappr link at the side. Not to worry if you already added yourself before you do not need to add yourself again.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Thank you Sheri!!!!

OK I have hello, picaso etc etc etc. What do I type here to make a picture appear in my profile?????????

Now that I have that figured out let's go back to this post for a little friendly debate.

Another new toy

And he wonders why I won't move home. This is how my kitchen has looked for the last year or so. When you add a house that is constantly being remodeled to his unwillingness to work out the adultery issues is it any wonder?
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Fun with a new computer toy

I am having fun exploring the different pictures I can make and alter. And since Laura is the only Catholic I know with a sense of humor...

The South Dakota Abortion ban

Ok I know I may be opening a can of worms here but....

Check out this article that indicates that South Dakota is on it's way to banning all abortions except for when the Mother's life is in danger. It will be challenged in court when the Governor signs it into law so it will not take effect until the Supreme Court hears the case.

Any thoughts on this one way or the other?

Friday, February 24, 2006

Certified mail or male?

So I stopped by the house today to pick up the mail and see if he had gotten "the papers" yet. I stumbled across the little slip of paper that he must take to the post office to get his "certified mail" piece. It is dated for yesterday so I know he hasn't been sitting on it so to speak. It says the final date for him to retrieve it is March 2nd.

Here is my concern...
Big Red is of the species Canninius Male. He is not the type of person to remember to go pick up a letter at the post office. I was always the detail person. For some reason in his world if it doesn't have breasts, antlers or a trigger it hasn't ranked as a high priority to him. I know his work schedule pretty well because I have tried to go to the house when he is not going to be home. I also know that the only time he could really feasibly sign for this letter before Thurday will be Saturday morning. When/if it is returned to the post office then he will be facing getting served by a Police Officer.

No big deal right?

Wrong. He is one of the most difficult people to track down. He is either at work 3 counties away, over at a "buddies" house, with his mom at 1 of 11 different properties, at the pawn shop or any number of places....Trying to have him served by a person will take days if not weeks.

I just want to keep things moving forward so we don't stall the process any longer than we need to.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Inspirational Quotes

Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.
~ Woodrow Wilson

A man who trusts nobody is apt to be the kind of man nobody trusts.
~ Harold Macmillan

We should behave to our friends as we would wish our friends to behave to us.
~ Aristotle

The circus I call working

So today was another version of a 3 ring circus at work. I love my kids at work...I may not like them all on any given day but I love them all. They are each lovable in there own way. It amazes me how developed and distinct the little personalities are at the age of 2 years old.
  • The Big Bear~ This is my child who when looking at him we already suspect he will be the Captain of his High School football team. He is the child who is the guardian of the classroom who lets no little girl be pushed or harassed in any way by another boy. He has a huge heart for others and won't let anyone near him when he is hurt because, "I fine!"
  • The Rebellious Vegetarian~ This is my child who is a vegetarian because of her parent's religion. She is rebellious on many levels but we can't leave her unattended at lunch because she will run across the room to snag a hotdog off someone's plate when they aren't looking. She always yells "No" in response to any question even if it is "Do you want some candy?"
  • The Slowest Child on Earth~This is the child that during a fire drill with lights and buzzers going off will stop to pick up a toy and a book as she saunters over to the door. She may announce that she has to pee but take 5 minutes to cross the room and wet her pants in the process.
  • The "No Hablo Ingles" Child~This child started our Day Care not knowing ONE WORD OF ENGLISH. He only spoke Spanish and not very well since he is only 2 years old. As teachers we learned a few phrases and started repeating everything we could in both languages. He is catching on...But when we need to discuss something like ...oh say....hitting, kicking and tackling my other friends we call in the expert from the office to give him the "what for" in his own language.
  • The Spoiled Princess~ This little girl is always dressed in pink and spoiled rotten because of the inconsistency at home. Her parents are in the middle of a bitter divorce and if Dad chooses to be involved that week there are tantrums like I have never seen before. When the pretty pink lace starts kicking watch out because the shoes will be thrown next!
  • The "I AM potty trained!" child~ He really is potty trained he just has shall we say aiming issues. We change his clothes frequently because he isn't tall enough (or coordinated enough) to stand and too small to really tuck properly if you understand that. But he is potty trained for the most part :o)
This little sampling of my children seems managable until you realize:
  1. There 15 of them and only 3 adults.
  2. Of the 3 consistent people in the room 1 of us was fired a few weeks ago.
  3. Of the 3 consistent people in the room 1 of us has been so sick this week that she was hospitalized overnight...needless to say she hasn't been at work.
  4. Today was the first day in over a month we were able to go outside because it has been so freaking cold!
I have had a parade of people through my room as we try to maintain the proper ratio of 5 children per 1 adult. How ironic that the theme for the month actually is the circus!

OK enough whining from me for now...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Catching flack

Ok I have gotten an earful from SEVERAL people either online or in person about my choice to go let Big Red into the house this week. Let me clear up a few things.

Yes I could have called a locksmith for him but that would be costing me money as well. Until he is actually served with the papers and the follow up letter from my attorney we can't separate out all the bills and split the finances for good. To do so already would be VERY harmful to MY credit. If we (the attorney and I) take the proper steps it will be to my benefit.

No he is not my responsibility anymore BUT.... If I do not make waves unnecessarily then we can TRY to keep this as civil as possible. I know this is going to be hard and well...pretty much suck... but I can try to be a grown up about this and make this a little easier.

Maybe I am being too nice..... Maybe this will come back and bite me in the ass...Maybe I will regret this later...

I am doing the best I can with the knowledge I have. Thanks for the feedback it is always welcome.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Oddly enough

There are several things I need to remember when I get down on myself about where I am at in my life.

Oddly enough I used to live about a block away from where this happened. I guess all in all I have handled this adultery situation fairly well. I mean I didn't shoot him like the man in this story shot his wife when he discovered them.

I discovered this article about the pluses and minuses of revenge. Part of what Pat Gaudette, says is this:

"Because revenge is a part of the anger process, it can be helpful to think through harmless scenarios with the other person "getting theirs."Daydream, if you wish, about your ex being caught by his or her boss in a compromising position. Or think how much you'd like to watch as "she" attends a fancy party with the back of her dress stuck in the top of her pantyhose. Or perhaps you'd like legal revenge on a cheating spouse, or alienation of affection revenge on the other person. There is nothing wrong with thinking about revenge for a little while. But don't let it consume you."

This gave me a good chuckle as I pictured the above.

And of course there is not a shortage of lopping off body parts stories. And this one complete with a cartoon. And it isn't just Americans who do this.

As long as I don't get stuck in a revenge stage or actually act on it I will be fine....says the DivorceCare people.

I am not really focusing on this. The only reason it is on my mind is because of the shooting down the road from me.

I am actually sitting here laughing to myself because I can see a few people I know making mental notes and wondering if they still have the number of that one counselor I used to see. I am ok...Really....no need to call in the calvary...I promise.

Monday, February 20, 2006

A new week with a funny start

Ok a funny thing happened today that I probably should not be getting as much pleasure out of it as I am.

I received a phone call from Big Red:

Big Red: Hi...How are you?
One4jc: (tentatively answers) ........ Fine and you?
Big Red: Well I've had a bad day and I need a favor. Can you.....Phone goes dead....

I am thinking... well he must not need it that bad!

I try to call back and get his voice mail.

Three or four minutes passed and the phone rings but it is a number I don't recognize. I answer it to hear Big Red apologizing for his phone going dead.

I listen as he vents about how awful his day has been because he, among other things, has left his keys in Goshen (over and hour away) and his truck is across town but he has no way to drive it since he doesn't have keys.

In fact he can't get in the house!
The favor he needs is for me to drive over and let him in the house.


Several things went through my mind at this point...
Like saying,
"You've had a bad day don't you have a girlfriend you should be telling this to?"

"A bad day?... Try finding out that your entire life will be changing forever because your spouse committed adultery."

"Oh if you had gotten me truck keys like I asked you to (over a 1000 times) you would have an extra set to use tonight."

"Keys to the house? What keys?"

Several other things went through my mind so quickly and I forgot them because all of a sudden the humor of the situation hit me.

I tried to surpress my laughter but I think a little may have seeped out before I hung up.

I didn't want to appear as though I had nothing better to do... So I slipped on my shoes...stopped to brush my hair...pet the cat... oh wait I need to go back and set the password lock on my computer....oh he he I think I need to stop and make a *tinkle*....I think I want to wear a different shirt...the car DOES need to warm up before I leave for the house....

I did make it over there and I did let him inside the house, but the thoughts I had...

Sunday, February 19, 2006

What is God up to?

Lately in Church and my prayer time it has really been driven home to me that God is using the experiences in my life to prepare me for the plans He has for me. You see I have an agenda but it doesn't matter what I think the future holds when I am submitting to God's control in my life. I have promises that He has given to me that I hold on to but they are in His time and His ways not mine. When I take back control I am effectively saying I know better than God.

At times it may look like I am bucking the system, being naive or being trampled by those around me. As long as I am following after God with my whole heart I don't care if I look like a fool to the rest of the world. I know that He will take care of me if I am in His plan.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I hope when people look back at my life they see a woman who sought God with her whole heart. I also hope they see a woman who was devoted to changing the world one person at a time for God and a women who wanted to be in God's plan no matter what the cost.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

A new link

Oh my goodness I just found a hilarious blog that I linked at the side. It is called She just walks around with it. I have only had time to read a a handful of posts but I was laughing hard and that is rare these days. For a sample of why I like it so much check out this post called "Why Yes, Cute Fireman, That *IS* my Ass". Aside from the obvious use of the A$$ word it is a GREAT post complete with diagrams! It chronicals a few of the JOYS of working out.

Sometimes I wonder...

I am having one of those days that makes me wonder why Big Red would make the choices he has made. I know we had problems in our marriage...every marriage has it's ups and downs and it's "seasons" as the counselor put it.

I can understand to a certain degree making "a mistake". I know we are all fallible creatures and we all sin. Some of the sins have a more lasting impact and greater consequences than other sins.

Ok so he made a mistake! He chose to tell me about it. I didn't discover the affair. I knew something was wrong but he chalked it up to "God dealing with me on some issues". I believed him. I had no reason not to trust him...I thought.

He made a mistake, confessed to me and we should be able to move forward toward "fixing this" right?

I tried. I tried and tried and tried. I stayed longer than most people thought I should or would stay. I set boundaries and he broke them because he "didn't understand" what I had meant. The final straw was when we set up boundaries in counseling and within 24 hours he had totally disregarded those as well and gone to see several of the other women (friends so he says) in his life to tell them he couldn't have contact again. Hello??? Do you honestly hear what you are saying to me? You went to SEE them to CUT CONTACT.... Am I the only one who sees the problem here?

I waited on God. I waited for Him to tell me I had fulfilled my requirements to Him in the marriage. I waited and watched as the cell phone bill continued to show calls to women.. I waited as people came and told me he had been seen in public with another woman. I waited as friends called to tell me the conversations they had overheard where he called them "Sweetie and Honey" and told them when he would be home. I waited.

I can't control his choices only mine. I chose to wait on God. Then during a weekend retreat I got the word I had been waiting for.

I am comfortable with my choices and actions. I wonder if he can say the same?

He made a mistake but he is not choosing to follow the path set in front of us for repairing the marriage. Why would he choose to throw this marriage away? Is it because the grass is greener? It's not. Is it because his taking care of his Mom is more important than working on this? Not according to the Bible. I guess I can't understand why he is being so stupid. It is frustrating!

I will look back at this marriage with no regrets in things left unsaid, undone or not accomplished. I don't know if he will be able to say the same. But it isn't my issue to worry about I guess.

All this stemming from the conversation this morning about the security system going off at the house and finding out he hasn't received his divorce papers yet.

Friday, February 17, 2006


I have come to really love and appreciate my friends lately. Even when I don't know that I need it I have had people come up beside me, put their arm around me and offer me a word of encouragement. Today I received this:

Someone will always be prettier.
They will always be smarter.
Their house will be bigger.
They will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
And their husband will fix more things around the house. So let it go,
and love you and your circumstances.
Think about it.
The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favored
woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know,
she's got the car, the house, the clothes....might be lonely.
And the Word says if "I have not Love, I am nothing."
So, again, love you.
Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say
"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"
"Winners make things happen.
Losers let things happen."
Be Blessed ladies and encourage another woman.
"To the world you might be one person,
but to one person you just might be the world".

I needed to hear that today...so thanks for the encouragement.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I think the worst is behind me

I think that I am on the road to wellness...I have actually managed to keep some food down. I must try to brave the working world again tomorrow...must do it.

I am still so tired that I am already dreading getting up to go to work by 6:00am.

A quick update on the Big Red front. I received my copies of the divorce paperwork on Weds. They are indeed filed and stamped with the date of Feb. 14th. Not my choice. He should receive his by certified mail soon if he has not already gotten them.

And to answer those lingering questions...

Yes I was sick before I got the papers. You see at work I had 3 different children either puking or very nauseous before I left on Weds. night.

No I don't think I was sick because of the papers and knowing they were coming. I think it was a bug.

I am sad that I missed a DivorceCare class. I needed that one. It was on loneliness.

ohhhhhh my tummy

I might return to my witty humorous self after this NASTY stomach virus thing goes away. I have as of 11:30 am been able to keep a partial 7up down. Wooohoooo...it's party time. I can say I have no desire to ever eat again but alas I will at some point.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Ok let's just get the day over with...

The pictures are courtesy of a site that is Anti-Valentine. Unfortunately the site was overwhelmed and shut down to sending the cards out.

Another way to say it is a "Hallmark Holiday". Why should one day be set aside to show someone how you feel?

I think she loves me...

At least I can make my own candy hearts to show my love.

My overall mood today....I will be happy when I have my DivorceCare class on Weds. night.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Well at least you tried.

Those are words I never heard from either of my parents. While it-chick was over trying to hook up the speakers to my Mom's computer (long story) she was frustrated because they wouldn't work.

No sounds.

I said "It-chick you have worked on them for an hour go home. She will never notice the difference (she didn't have sound before), you are tired and you gave it a shot at least you tried."

It-chick's response, "That has never been ok and you and I both know it."

She is right. Growing up we always knew that "Try your best" was really, "Do it right or don't do it at all." Or "If it isn't perfect keep working until it is because mediocre is for underachievers."

We were encouraged to be the best no matter what, be at the top of your class, be the perfect child...

No it was demanded of us.

I think at times I have an easier time letting things slide or get a little messy in my classroom because they are just kids. Let them be 2 years old but respectfully.

Maybe that is why I bristle when someone tells me I haven't met their expectations...when I haven't done things perfectly. I don't strive to be perfect or obsess about it because I will never be perfect. I never lived up to my parent's expectations so I take failure very personally.

I know that ultimately God is the one I need to strive to please...His opinion is the one that matters.

I hope when I get to heaven I hear something like "Well done good and faithful servant." But I would be just as happy to hear at the end, "At least you tried."

Sunday, February 12, 2006

God is Good...

I have had a really good day. I have sat in the presence of God just to be there. I have sought wise counsel on an issue I have been struggling with. I have relaxed on the computer and in general enjoyed my Sunday.

But tomorrow is Monday... and back to work I must go.

God has put a few verses on my heart today. I will be meditating on these this week but I will share them with you as well.

Proverbs 4:25-27
25 Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. 26 Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. 27 Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.

Philippians 4:8-9
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

1 Corinthians 10:13
13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

I pray that God will use these verses to speak to you also or place a verse in you heart to apply to your own life.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

In need of a power trip?

When you need to feel that little bit o' power... For those times when you are feeling lower than the ants on the sidewalk try this.

A little sadistic? Yes but still fun.

A few random comments..Warning evil clown picture to follow

I have noticed there must be several people reading my blog who do not leave comments. My counter continues to rise and somehow I don't think it is the same 5 people reading all the time. The only explanation is that it is because I don't allow anonymous comments. Any thoughts on this?

When I was a young driver at 16 I don't think I would have ever referred to the price of $1.26 per gallon as cheap. Currently in Fort Wayne the cheapest I found yesterday was $2.15 a gallon. Can't wait to get the scooter...

Maybe if you had the opportunity to make a picture of your own evil clown you would not be as frightened of them. Follow this link to make your own.

And if you have not figured out how to dump that special someone before Valentine's day you could always go here and send them a "Dear John" letter of your choice. Or here.
There are also many humorous versions like this one or this "true" story and the funny response.

Not that I am cynical or anything...

Another Meme...

Another Meme...I like this one because it doesn't require too much thought...

1) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
Also take seven pairs of every kind of bird; There must be a male and a female in each pair to ensure that life will survive on the earth after the great flood. The Bible

2) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can and see what you touch.
The floor lamp

3) What is the last thing you watched on TV?
The New Detectives

4) Without looking, guess what time it is.

5) Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

6) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The TV, the clock ticking and a car driving by

7) When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Last night. I was coming back from visiting a friend.

8) Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
A random blog

9) What are you wearing?
Kind of personal..LOL...Mickey Mouse sleep pants and a Mona Beana t-shirt

10) Did you dream last night?
Not that I remember

11) When did you last laugh?
Yesterday at a friend's son who LIKED getting hit with a soft football instead of catching it. (He's 3 years old)

12) What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Nothing. Just the white paint. No I am not in an institution!

13) Seen anything weird lately?
Have you ever gone to a random blog!!!!

14) What do you think of this quiz?
Not bad...different

15) What is the last movie you saw?
Fried Green Tomatoes

16) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
My own home, a home for my sister and her family (and set her up so she didn't have to work until she was out of college)and a "home" (wink wink) for my Mom

17) Tell me something about you that I don't know.
Ummmm...I am an open book for the most part and if it is something you don't know there is a reason for you not knowing :o)

18) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I wouldn't change the world I would change the way people act in the world.

19) Do you like to dance?
Yes not well. Except for the time I drank too much at my it-chick's wedding reception and ended up ballroom dancing with a rose clenched in my teeth. That was before one4jc was a Christian!

20) George Bush?
Well with my circle of friends that is a loaded question BUT I believe that he has good intentions and maybe the wrong people advising him.

21) Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

22) Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Well I always liked Brendan but....maybe Ian

23) Would you ever consider living abroad?

24) What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Well done good and faithful servant....Come in!

I think I will tag Bulgarian Girl and Nic and Sheri.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Time with friends...

I really have enjoyed these last two days I have had off work. I have spent some time reconnecting with friends either in person or on the phone and realized how much I have missed them. I hadn't thought much about how I have pulled away from my friends as I have struggled to deal with the separation and impending divorce. I have been so consumed with trying to balance out my feelings, mood swings and life in general that the only friend I have been consistently spending time with is God. If I had to pick only one I think He's the one I'd choose every time.

I have stopped by to give away a children's book on adoption to an adoptive Mother I know, chatted for hours on the phone and just sat in a friend's living room to watch her children play. I am really happy that I took the time off from work to refocus my life and reconnect with society in general.

A wonderful afternoon with Gus and Friends

I had a relaxing afternoon with one of my friends today and in the mean time I was privileged enough to hold and cuddle and yes...even pet big wonderful Gus. The offer still stands for him to go to a loving home here in the local area (it only has to be local because of the pick up process).
Vital information on Gus:
  • It is a boy who has lost his abilities to reproduce any offspring (snip snip)
  • He is about 2 years old
  • He is fully declawed
  • He is a cuddly lap cat
  • He is not one of those scrawny, frail cats that you might hurt if you roll over in the middle of the night. He is Healthy and WELL BUILT!
  • He is litter box trained and not fond of the outside at all so there are no worries about him running away.
Just leave me a comment and we can set up a new home for Gus!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

I signed some papers today...

So I signed the papers to actually have the attorney file the divorce papers. They will be filed in the courts on Tuesday February 14th.

How ironic...

I know that I am still in God's plans for me. I know that this is the "right" thing to do because he is still yada yada yada.....

But it still hurts.

I walked to the car, started down the road, called a friend and burst into tears.

I need to remember Isaiah 41:10~

10Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.

Deep thoughts on Superheroes

It is no secret that I love Superman. I have always associated Superman with my Dad but lately I have been associating Superman with God. He is a fortress, can do anything and loves deeply. Superman has a weakness. Krypton weakened Superman and made him vulnerable. God has no weaknesses but we can hurt Him. A few months ago I heard a sermon dealing with how some turn there backs on God and how we all turn our backs to Him (so to speak) when we make other things more important than Him.

A Pastor during a sermon one night looked at all of us and said, "Some of you know the sting of adultery first hand...you know the hurt and betrayal personally and I'm sorry that you have had to experience that awful event. With that in mind consider this...Every time you put another relationship, a possession or a thing in front of your relationship with God you are causing Him that same pain. The hurt, the betrayal and the pain of being rejected. We are all guilty of doing that at some time..even I have done that (the pastor) but do you want to do that voluntarily or ask for His help in making Him first every time?"

This struck me hard. I had found out about my husband's affair only weeks before. The pastor was aware of this and when I approached him afterward he apologized for the bluntness but stated that it does in fact give that analogy several times in the Bible. I told him I knew that and I understood but WOW what a difference that sermon had just made in my life.

I remember that statement almost every day in my prayer time and repent for putting other things in front of Him.

Well Wonder Woman has always been Big Red's favorite superhero. So on a funny note I was playing around with this site and came up with this little "dream revenge". It in no way could compare with the pain of adultery but thinking of him being turned down by one of his heroes gives me a little chuckle. I have moved to the point where I can pray good things for him and ask God to bless him and make his path straight. Sometimes I flutter back and forth with the idea of revenge but I will not intentionally hurt him like he has hurt me. He'll never see the cartoon so....

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Odd thoughts

Aren't you glad this isn't your child? I will take whatever child God gives me BUT please Lord don't let a picture of my child circulate the internet with a finger up his nose.

The sad thing is that you know right now there is someone doing a search to see if this item is available for sale and just how much it would cost.

I wonder if they share the same office....

Is there a direct referral line....

How much is the discount for treatment?

Do they offer same day service?

Do you need the mental health department before or after you get the license?

A shameless plug for a Fort Wayne Conference

Protecting Our Children
From Sexual Predators

Protecting Our Children from Sexual Predators
sponsored by SCAN (Stop Child Abuse and Neglect)
Allen County Community Corrections
Allen County Sex Offender Task Force

Thursday Feb. 9th 6:30-8:00 pm
First Assembly of God sanctuary (MAP)
Adult Meeting ~ NO CHILDREN due to sensitive material

Realities of Sexual abuse
Sexual Molestation Patterns
Signs of Child Stalking
How you can protect your children
Internet Safety
Signs of Sexual Abuse
How to use the Sex Offender Registry

Join us for this seminar which will raise your awareness on this tragic subject.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Oh what a day!

Ok maybe I don't want to restart my whole life but definitely today. I am pressed for time so I will give you the short version...
  • BAAAAAADDDDDDD day at work. Called on the carpet...Grumpy coworkers....Sick children and irritable parents
  • Lunch I had planned for my day off on Thursday had to be cancelled due to a scheduling conflict my friend has.
  • I HAVE to be home in my bed sleeping on Thursday because my mom doesn't want to leave her dance early...No hotel for me.
  • The security alarm at the house I do not live in was set off by "accident" and I met the police there after receiving the phone call from IT-chick...so had an encounter with Big Red that I was not prepared for. Not a bad encounter just unplanned.
  • The Children's Pastor at my church approached me about a complaint that he had received regarding Mommy Dearest and the clown class that we are teaching. He will be sitting in on part of our class on Weds. and then "offering suggestions" to Mom on how she can change things. He was concerned that she is a hindrance to the class...I said it depends on what day it is and whether she is "firing on all cylinders". I will NOT be telling this to Mommy Dearest...we will be letting the Pastor handle this one....I will be praying a lot!

Job satisfaction???

Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 61%

Your job is a total bummer, and probably the worst job you've ever had.
Your co-workers stink. Your boss is a jerk. And your company is probably in trouble.
Think about finding a new job quickly, even if it's just a not-so-great transition job.
You've got to get out of there as quickly as you can!
Should You Quit Your Job?

I had to laugh at this one. I think the results may have a lot to do with the day I had at work.

Monday, February 06, 2006

I just need to relax

Surprisingly this is the only picture I could find regarding a massage that I felt was "clean" enough to post on my blog. I need to relax, unwind, decompress and release the tension...

I feel as though I have been through the whole range of emotions since I started the DivorceCare class... actually most of the emotions since Friday have been all over the map for me. It is helping me tremendously but man... it hurts. I learned long ago that anger is a secondary emotion. That means (for you counseling challenged friends) that there is another feeling underneath that causes you to be angry. It is easier to be angry than to feel the pain of rejection, the effects of humiliation or any of those "other" feelings that are more difficult to deal with and work through. I have been trying to "experience" those other feeling so that I am not ripping the heads off of those I encounter.


Whew I feel better!

I will just continue to plug along until I can get through this season of my life.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Want a good laugh

The thought of a mouse brushing his teeth just makes me laugh. Which is a good thing right now. I have been having an emotional weekend already and Big Red called to tell me he had thought things over. We "decided" that I should go ahead and file the divorce paperwork. I'm humored that I am letting him "have a say" in this all just to try and make this go a little smoother. I know nothing will make this easy but I can try to make the whole thing a little more civil.

Then we are all in a lot of trouble! Of course I know it really is all about God. Not the Hokey Pokey but "it"!

I remember watching Hong Kong Phooey as a kid and thinking he was the coolest dog ever. What with his changing in a filing cabinet, mild mannered job and fighting for the underdog I guess he was my first version of Superman.

The bold response

I would be lying if I told you that I had not considered this. I actually thought about selling his stuff instead of throwing it out on the lawn :o) The revenge items that I considered were a little more physical in nature to tell the truth. But being the God fearing woman that I am I decided to take the high road once again.

But I really like the picture!

Saturday, February 04, 2006

The mood I am in...

I was having an angry day! My Mom was in my room every so often to ask me to do things. I tried to explain that I was having a bad day, that I wanted to go to a calling for the child of a friend...that I was having a sad day.

Do you think she would leave me alone?


She "made an appointment" at 2:00pm with me to carry some things out to the garage. When I didn't go out to help at the right time she (my 65 year old arthritis riddled, hip replaced Mother) decided to carry the boxes down the hall herself and play the martyr.

I should have let her do it....

But I would be the one to take care of her while she healed...

I am not sure I am telling her that I have Thursday and Friday off. I may get up and leave just to get some uninterrupted time to myself.


Friday, February 03, 2006

Fixing your friends?

I hope that none of my friends would consider this an option. However maybe Big Red's might want to consider this option...Just Kidding!

He still hasn't called to voice his opinion on the whole filing for divorce and my attorney appointment. I am not sitting at home waiting to hear from him but I would like to know that he is still processing things and not planning revenge or????

On a happy note I believe I do have next Thursday and Friday off work. I am considering "running away" on Thursday afternoon and finding an inexpensive hotel to hide in for a night and returning on Friday afternoon. I need to try to find the $$funds$$ to accomplish this little excursion.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Just a stress reliever and some fun

I found this and had a blast with it...

Bubble Wrap Popping

It was a nice little stress reliever for me.

More weird auctions on the net:

If you haven't had children and would like the opportunity to name someone check out this auction!

And this one just seems to be throwing away money... If he can't spell correctly (or use spell check in a sales ad) why would I want his advice.

And I'm intrigued as to why a company would want to advertise this way.

Video! Video! Video!

I have come upon a few funny video sites:

This would be my luck on the treadmill!

Watch it now on StupidVideos!

I don't know if I will be dating again...

Blind Date
Watch it now on StupidVideos!

This is quite an apology!

How to Apologize
Watch it now on StupidVideos!

Man that's one mean penguin!

Evil Penguin
Watch it now on StupidVideos!

I must go have dinner now and converse with the Mom before she blows a gasket...