Well the ball is rolling now

I dropped off the "deposit" and signed the contract to employ my attorney for a "dissolution of marriage". I will be contacted next week to come and sign the paperwork to actually file the divorce. Big Red will then be "served" within a few days after it clears the court. Realistically it looks like he will get the papers the week before Valentine's day. UGH Not how I would have planned it.

I know that I have been released by God in the marriage. I am at peace with God in how I have handled myself throughout the last 9 months. I haven't been perfect but I acknowledge my mistakes and move on with a clean slate. I really do feel like Jesus is carrying me through this whole process. When I get anxious or nervous I talk to Him and the peace comes back again.

When I look back to the person I was last May when I was "enlightened" with the information of the affair/adultery I am amazed. I have become more confident and secure in myself. Through my DivorceCare class I have discovered that this isn't the normal thing that happens. This tells me that all the hours spent praying and pouring myself out to God have helped me more than I even realize. On the day I moved all of my things out in December I was scared. My future is still uncertain and a little scary looking but I know that with Him in charge everything will be fine.

The day Big Red called and said he was calling the police because I had taken my things from the house I was nervous but I didn't bow to his threats or let him know that it had even bothered me. I had people around me that day to encourage me. Wow how grateful I am for them!

I am glad the initial step is out of the way.