I wish at times that people would just quit telling me stuff about Big Red!On one hand I want to know because it is confirmation that I'm doing the right thing by divorcing him. You see he has this charm about him...if I stay away from him I won't get sucked in by his charm and proclamations that he isn't cheating/dating/sleeping around anymore...You see I know he is. Bottom Line. Period. No question.
There is a gentleman at church who has been trying to get through to Big Red...not someone who has previously been involved with us in any way. He approached me today to tell me he is still trying and praying for us. Really that is all he said.
**sidenote~Big Red has been proclaiming faithfulness to anyone in earshot at church and placing the blame on me...When confronted I set the record straight but have done my best not to speak badly of him...boy that is tough sometimes!
I said, "If you want to keep trying I wish you God's blessing but be aware that he is still dating. I know this but he won't admit to anyone that he is still dating other women."
He says,"Oh I know about it.(OUCH!) We had a soul wrenching conversation this morning after church. He was very concerned about your ER trip this week."~I now know that he really did speak to Big Red.
I said,"Please make sure that he knows every time he is dishonest with me and denies the continuing affairs he is making the wounds deeper and more harmful to any chance he has a civility from me."
Yes I need to know for my peace of mind to know I am not crazy...as Big Red is leading me to believe.
No I don't want to know because it hurts. It is the kind of hurt I would not wish on my worst enemy or wish on him either. It is the kind of hurt and rejection that words can't describe. I would only be able to compare it to "a tearing or ripping apart of the soul" (Courtesy of DivorceCare). This type of rejection is almost unbearable. The person I became one with, the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with, the person who promised to protect me and never to leave me..has left for "greener grass". Another woman. Back with the "tramp" who started this whole thing in the first place.
Anybody seen my map back up to the high road?
4 comments:
I'm sorry, girl. ugh.
If I find the map, I'll be sure to share it with you. I seem to have misplaced it as well.
You are walking in uncharted teritory right now. Remember you are not alone.
It does get better!!!! I have been exactly where you are right now. It has been 2yrs since I filed for my divorce and 1 1/2yrs since the divorce has been final. I am just now starting to let things go. It is a relieve at times, now for me to realize that.
You will get through it!
My prayers are with you!
Eh, greener usually means higher maintenance. LOL!
On a serious note, I know where you are coming from. Boy do I ever, except mine was not a duplicitous as yours with the lying to the church goers since he never went to church and never professed to be a Christian.
DIvorce is never easy but I can tell you from one who has been in your shoes and tried pretty much EVERYTHING to try and save her marriage, that once it's "officially" over - as in judge says "divorce granted", the stress just kind of flows away after a few weeks. I have good friends telling me that I am much less stressed looking than I was even a week before the trial. And I've been able to sleep better too.
Even the Bible says that adultry is acceptable grounds for divorce - the only acceptable ground other than an unequally yoked marriage where the unbelieving spouse wants to leave.
You'll be fine, you're much stronger than you know. I can tell that through your writings on the blog.
Will continue praying for you.
Post a Comment