The more I discuss things with my Mom the more crazy I feel. She tells me things and then 20 minutes later she tells me the opposite thing. Twenty minutes later when I fulfill the task (the latter) she is upset with me for not doing what she asked me to do?!!?
I am absolutely exhausted. I am sleeping well but my eyes are burning because I'm so tired.
I have been having "lightbulb moments" lately. The more I have learned about Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS) the more I understand about how I feel. I have had many of these "ailments" for a long time. People are quick to blame the tiredness on the divorce but ask anyone....I have been tired for years :o).
Back when I had the "optical migraine" and lost my vision in one eye while that side of my face drooped for a few hours I had all the testing including a MRI to come up with that diagnosis because they couldn't come up with anything else. I have had several of those "migraines" since then but never had them checked out because they said I would just need to "tough it out" and take some aspirin for the pain. I have discovered that people who have APS are likely to have transient ischemic attacks (TIA) . They are basically Mini-Strokes.
When I figure in the constant headaches, joint pain, dizziness, occasional memory loss (blocks of time not statements made) with these other things it is clear that I need to find someone to specializes in this. As soon as I get the insurance thing fixed I will be finding one to see.
All this time Big Red told me it was all in my head...if I'd do more I'd have more energy and not be so tired etc etc etc. But nothing I could ever do would be enough for him. If I did 10 things he wanted 20 etc.
It appears that I'm not lazy or crazy after all...
2 comments:
As much as I loved my mom we could not live together; it does not matter how hard I tried I could never please her. Hopefully things will get better.
Take those TIA's seriously.
My dad had heart surgery several years ago which kicked lose a bunch of plaque in the blood stream. Those plaque bits in turn began to cause small blockages in cappilaries in the brain, triggering TIA's for him. He said sometimes it was like squirrels running around in his head, pinching him from the inside. AND he had the block of time memory loss, occasionally. Not often, usually it was just the pain and some confusion for a few hours after.
Not much the doc's could do for him in his situation, and they finally subsided with no appreciable damage, but it was scary for a time.
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