Today is my 5 Year Anniversary. Since we are legally still married things now shift a bit in the laws because we now have a "vested marriage". If I had it to over again would I marry him again? I can't go back in time and there is no way I would ever take him back now but that's still a tough question.
If I said NO like my gut reaction would be...
* Would I still have become a Christian? You see that happened on our 1 year wedding anniversary. The reason we ended up at that church (well any Church for that matter) was because we ended up in Marriage counseling within months of being married. The counseling led me (us) to Church. I know that God brought me to my knees to get my attention before I sought Him out. He knew what it would take.
* Would I have discovered that I have APS? Would I (or my family) have known what to do when I had the TIA earlier this year?
* Would I give up the last 7 years of my life and all the joys included along with the sorrows?
* Would I leave behind all that I have learned about myself? How strong I can be and where to turn when I'm weak?
If I said Yes...
* Wow would I REALLY sign up for all the pain that has come in the last 15 months? The total destroying of my trust in human nature... in men... in anything?
* Would I really want to go through the pain of losing the babies? Knowing I have a slim chance of giving birth naturally? Knowing that adoption is a more feasible option?
* Would I want to live in that Hell hole of a house that still isn't finished?
I can rest in the knowledge that no matter what God would still have gotten my attention somehow.
I do not want to give up how far I have come in my relationship with God. I have learned so much through all the pain.
If I trade in the sorrows and pain then I am forced to trade in the growth and joys as well. I think I am a better person for the whole experience.
It is a tough call and I am glad I don't have to make the choice.
4 comments:
I agree.
I am glad I do not have to make that choice either. Been there done that....time to move on.
Yes but part of moving on is learning from my mistakes so that I don't repeat them again... I am moving on quite well these days but I can afford myself one day for reflection...after all this is the last anniversary we will have :o)
No matter what challenges we face in this world they are all there for our benefit and growth if we let them be. I am glad that you have discovered that. I also think that as more time passes you will find even more growth coming out of your painfull experience. You are already much stronger for the experience.
Wow, you guys went through a lot of tough things in a very little amount of time. You obviously shared a lot and had a lot of stresses.
Would I do it again?
It is a tough question to answer. I've asked myself the same thing many times. I don't regret getting married to my ex. I don't know what I'd do without my little ones. I'm still hesitant to say "I'd do it all again," but I trust God, it all happened for a reason. One day it will make sense. All I know is, I wish I could have done it better.
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