She talked about her struggles with an eating disorder, dating and life as a Christian. The song Held is actually written based on a couple that struggled with infertility. They finally conceived and gave birth only to have their child taken by SIDS.
She then sang an a cappella version of It is Well With my Soul that left everyone in awe of God and in wonder at what He can do.
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I was talking with a friend today and it was noted that I am a completely different person than I was one year ago. No the divorce isn't final. Nothing has really changed that much except my perspective of things.
I still have moments when I burst into tears at certain phrases. Someone looked at me last week and jokingly said, "You'd make a lousy housewife." I burst into tears because Big Red had told me one of the reasons he had the affair was because I didn't keep the house clean enough. Now I know rationally that it a crock (at least make your excuses somewhat believable) but that is one of the recordings in my head that I fight with daily.
I think I will always have my moments to a certain degree but they are fewer and farther between now. I have discovered how strong I am again. I am getting my self confidence back after being put down for so many years. After being told you are not good enough, not doing it right or being called lazy and all those other names...after a while you start to believe it.
The only reason I have made it through this last year and a half is because of God, family and friends. Take away any of these three and it all would have come crashing down.
I am not as needy as I was last year becuase I get my strength from God not from counselors, friends or anything else.
I am where I am today because I have been Held by God. Isaiah 41:10 is the verse I have leaned on.
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Amen...Amen...Amen is all I can say to that.
2 comments:
I really understand what you are saying about the negative things, it's hard to get them out of your head. It goes back to a line in "Pretty Woman" when Vivian tells Edward "it's so much easier to believe the bad stuff."
Even five years from the date of separation and 9 months from the date of divorce, I have a hard time appreciating the person I have become and often revert back to believing the negative.
I watched a movie yesterday with Ashley Judd, "Someone Like You." and a guy is telling her how beautiful and wonderful she is and she will find love again, I cried like a baby....I think we all struggle with things like that.
But you know what? We are better, stronger, wonderful women, and someday someone will discover and appreciate us for the treasures that we are! Hugs to you!
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