Today is one of those days when I feel confused. Big Red is in Las Vegas with his "friend" this weekend...I don't want him but I am not sure I want anyone else to have him either. After speaking to "divorce person" at church I did find out that this is a stage I will go through. I guess I want him to still at least pretend he is married until the divorce is final. I worry about his relationship with God. I worry about getting my name off the mortgage and house deed. I worry too much....
I wonder why he keeps picking "chubby" girls to be with...they have all out weighed me by a good 100 lbs so far. I wonder if he ever really had a sense of what love is...and whether he loved me ever.
I wonder why I still care....
We spent years trying to learn how to love each other how God intended for us to, how to lean on each other when things got tough...now I have to figure out how to fall out of love.
The only way I can describe it is a stinging feeling....I don't want him but it still stings to see him with someone else.
And I don't want to hear the "get over it" speech from anyone. The process of divorce is like grieving...the loss of your spouse, your hopes and dreams. It takes time to get to the other side of a divorce...I'm not fooling myself as some have said in the past...I'm just sad that is all...it is part of the process...
2 comments:
This is a horrible generalization, and I don't mean to offend anyone, but a lot of the time "chubby" women have lower self-esteems, and are more willing to "settle" for what they feel they can get.
Maybe, Red isn't "picking" them, as much as that is what he can get. Would a woman with a high self-esteem and a fully functioning social life be picking to hang out with a married man that is behaving the way that he is?
Okay! I am done playing srink.
I totally understand, it's hard to let go of something that you have loved. It is like going through death really. You will have feelings concerning this and it is natural.
My heart goes out to you because this is not something easy to let go of. I am still fighting myself trying to let go of a special one that had a special place in my heart recently.
Hang in there, my heart goes out to you.
Post a Comment