Favorite Quotes

It is time for a little humor. I found these quotes to share with you all. Enjoy!


1) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos--you never know what's going to burn your butt.


2) I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.


3) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

5) I don't have an attitude problem, You have a perception problem.

6) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling?

7) My reality check bounced.

8) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

9) I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier!

10) You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo.

12) Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

13) Be careful . . .A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

14) Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.

15) The more Crap you put up with, the more Crap you are going to get.

16) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

17) So this isn't Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust!

18) Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!

19) I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

20) Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves For they shall never cease to be amused.

21) How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap!

22) "Normal" is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, the car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it!