Check out the poll on New Year's Resolutions at the side. I'm curious to see what people think about these...
Saturday, December 31, 2005
A new poll
Check out the poll on New Year's Resolutions at the side. I'm curious to see what people think about these...
Friday, December 30, 2005
In only 3 1/2 hours
I finished both blankets in a total time of only 3 1/2 hours! Not too bad considering they each measure 82 inches by 55 inches. They would easily cover a full size bed. But most important is that my Mom is HAPPY! That only happens every once in a Blue Moon and lasts for only a brief second...We are going on 3 hours of happy time and counting!
In other somewhat promising news...
I have located someone who MIGHT be willing to buy the house for what we owe on it IF we leave all the materials to finish it. Well since we have purchased all the materials already this would be a great deal for us! I will be spending a LOT of time praying for this to actually happen!
In other somewhat promising news...
I have located someone who MIGHT be willing to buy the house for what we owe on it IF we leave all the materials to finish it. Well since we have purchased all the materials already this would be a great deal for us! I will be spending a LOT of time praying for this to actually happen!
Another long weekend...
I'm so excited that I have a three day weekend! I have plans with a friend for New Years Eve to watch movies and relax at her house.
Hopefully I can finish the blanket I started for my Mom (clowns) and get my own (Mickey Mouse) done this weekend too. They are those really great fleece blankets that are tied together around the edges. They are oh so warm! I am actually thinking about making them and selling them for a small profit. It would keep me busy and give me a reason to be in my room away from my Mom.
Maybe I'll post more later...
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Who's watching?
I am frustrated with my Mother who seems to be watching my every move I make with a critical eye. At least I didn't get eggplant casserole for dinner. I did get homemade pizza tonight which is a bonus to living here. I'm looking for the positives today!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Refocusing again
Wow. I read over the entry from yesterday and thought to myself, "There is absolutely no hope shining through." I was very hopeful when I started writing that entry because I was feeling empowered by my new discoveries and revelations so to speak. By the end I was down on myself for falling for the Big Red schemes.
Well.....pppbbbbttttttttt to that!
I keep forgetting this is a process and not a checklist. I can't figure a stage out and check it off. Done with that one! As long as I come back to rest in God's word and rest in Him I will be fine.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Who's in charge?
I love this cartoon because this is how many of us go through life. We let other people or their actions dictate how we will live. I have come to discover in the last few months how I was being manipulated by Big Red. Before anyone gets upset please know that I understand the verses in Ephesians. But anyone who has read this for very long should know that I'm not in a healthy marriage. I do believe there is a difference between submitting to your spouse and being controlled and manipulated by him while he commits adultery.
With that said...
Many of us live life simply reacting to others or catering to unhealthy personality types. I believe that God does not want us to be walked on or used for anything other than His glory. I have read the book Boundaries by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend several times (I guess I didn't get it the first 2 times!). I started to reread this recently and have gained even more information than before. God wants us to actively live life not coast through following others directions and whims.
Manipulation is NOT ok. Ultimatums are not ok. Threats are not ok. Bowing down and giving in to others is not ok. When you agree to participate in something (any action) you must do a heart check. What are your motives? Are you doing this cheerfully or because you are in fear of the reactions you will get?
The tagline on the book is, "When to say yes. When to say no to take control of your life." I think many of us could benefit from examining why we do things the way we do (isn't that a song?).
I guess I'm having one of those days when I am disappointed in myself for having been "taken for a ride". I don't know if this will even make sense to anyone but me. That is the beauty of an anonymous blog.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Post Christmas shopping
Well I was extremely brave today. I braved the crowds and went to this little discount place that was selling all there items for 59 cents and all the hallmark items for 99 cents. I didn't have high hopes because most times the items here are not very "high quality" to say the least. BUT I was shocked... the items were great, new things I hadn't seen a million times. I did take the Mom with me... Let's just say I know what will be in our stockings next year and I'm actually looking forward to it. Even with as cheap as the items were I still managed to spend about $35!
I did speak with Big Red last night. He called in the middle of the afternoon and I let it go to voicemail. I called him back around 8:30pm last night. His whole purpose in calling was simply to wish me a Merry Christmas and to tell me he missed the family. We briefly discussed how our separate celebrations went and ended it on a pleasant note. That has been happening more and more often. I think he finally realizes how badly he screwed up and what he will be losing because of his selfish motives. I think there is hope to end the marriage and finish the divorce in a civil tone yet.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Let me make sure I get this all down...
Today was one of the best Christmas celebrations I can remember in a long time. It wasn't about the things I received, not that it ever really has been in my adult life. It was more about the laughter we shared. Whether it was my nephew asking my sister if she wanted "whoop" cream on her cheesecake or laughing because the prime rib was finally cooked right and no one demanded that we boil it and smother it in sauce (au ju? I believe it is called). As usual some of the gifts were forgotten until the last moment and handed directly to us. We spoke of stories about misperculated (yes it was the old style) coffee all over the floor because she didn't put the lid back on top and coffee not processing because she forgot to add the water. Bottom line the woman shouldn't be allowed to make coffee at all.
The hands down funniest moment ever at Christmas this year involved of all things my beloved cat. Let me preface this with a few facts. First, in my Mom's eyes this cat is like another grandchild...she can do nothing wrong. I love my cat BUT she is an animal and she does occasionally do things wrong. Second, my Mom had assigned everyone (but herself and me especially) the task of making sure the cat stayed out of the food in the kitchen while we were eating. When my Mom was full she asked the nephew to take her plate to the kitchen and set it on the table for her to "nuke" and finish later. And lastly she is a Siamese cat who weighs all of 4 pounds maybe 5 if she has just eaten. Picture this:
After diligently watching the cat all through the meal my Mom exits with the nephew to get a few surprise presents from her bedroom. My Mom could not have been out of the room 15 seconds when I look up to see the cat (notice at this point that I'm not claiming her) dragging a nice juicy piece of PRIME RIB across the living room! This piece of PRIME RIB is easily half the size of the cat! Remember the beloved dog from the It-chick blog? Well after her surgery this week she has a bald spot with stitches on the top of her head sticking straight up. To quote It-chick, "She looks like a little old man with a bad comb over". Well behind the cat (dragging the piece of PRIME RIB) is the dog trying to get close enough to see what she has. I scoop up the piece of PRIME RIB to discover this isn't just any one. It is the piece off my Mom's plate! I go trash it as my Mom is entering into the hallway (I'm laughing the entire way) and Mr. Toughguy goes to retrieve it to feed to the dog! I hurry back to the living room to scoop up the cat (as she is licking her lips) and plop onto the couch just as Mommy Dearest enters the room. Whew! I narrowly avoided certain disaster. You see the cat may do no wrong BUT when it comes to my Mom and PRIME RIB ...
The kicker to this whole thing is that my Mom never noticed that the rest of her PRIME RIB was gone!
I can't wait to see It-chicks take on the whole day...did I forget anything?
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Merry Christmas
I am not sure when I will post again. It depends on how soon I will need to retreat to my room to hide from the relatives. I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and I pray that everyone will take time to remember the reason we celebrate is because it marks the Birth of Christ.
Do you know God's plan? A link on the side will direct you to a page if you have questions. A simple way to know is to ask yourself this question:
If you died tonight, do you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will go to Heaven?
If your answer isn't yes...check out the link. What do you have to lose? A few moments of time?
A few Christmas Games
I thought I would include Slingshot Santa for those anti Santa fans among us or maybe for those of you who do not get what you wanted. When you reach around 310 meters you catch a glimpse of Rudolf. Make sure to release the lever before falling into the valley or pulling it too far!
For those of you who are not feeling so violent I included a Build a Snowman link. You can keep yourself entertained or keep the children busy while you prepare for the big Christmas Feast.
Here are the final results of my completely Unscientific Poll:
The Christmas Debate
Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays? I'll join the debate.
Merry Christmas 50% 6
Either is fine with me 41.7% 5
Neither I don't want to be greeted this time of the year 8.3% 1
Happy Holidays 0% 0
total votes: 12
powered by blogpoll
For those of you who are not feeling so violent I included a Build a Snowman link. You can keep yourself entertained or keep the children busy while you prepare for the big Christmas Feast.
Here are the final results of my completely Unscientific Poll:
The Christmas Debate
Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays? I'll join the debate.
Merry Christmas 50% 6
Either is fine with me 41.7% 5
Neither I don't want to be greeted this time of the year 8.3% 1
Happy Holidays 0% 0
total votes: 12
powered by blogpoll
Friday, December 23, 2005
Santa: Friend or Foe?
I stumbled upon this site "Scared of Santa Gallery". I thought some of the pictures were absolutely hilarious! I particularly like #70 and #71.
Naughty or Nice?
I wonder if there is an appeals process? I mean come on can they show me an account of the 290 naughty entries?
Belief-o-Matic
For space I have decided to only include the top ten. I clicked on the top result and received the explanation that follows...
Your Results:
The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.
Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.
How did the Belief-O-Matic do?
1. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (100%)
2. Orthodox Quaker (95%)
3. Eastern Orthodox (84%)
4. Roman Catholic (84%)
5. Seventh Day Adventist (81%)
6. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (75%)
7. Islam (68%)
8. Orthodox Judaism (68%)
9. Sikhism (59%)
10. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (58%)
Definition:
Belief in Deity
Most Conservative Protestants believe God is incorporeal, omnipresent spirit--a Trinity of the Father (God), the Son (Christ), and the Holy Spirit that comprises one God Almighty.
• Incarnations
Jesus Christ is God's only incarnation. He is the Son of God and God, both fully divine and fully human, part of the Trinity of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, which comprises one God Almighty.
• Origin of Universe and Life
The biblical book of Genesis is inerrant. God created the universe and all life forms from nothing in less than 7 days, less than 10,000 years ago--not as revealed by modern science. Many resolve the conflict between scientific evidence and the book of Genesis with the contention that God created the appearance of evolution (perhaps as a test of faith), or that scientific evidence is faulty.
• After Death
Saved souls experience the bliss of heaven and unsaved souls the torture of hell. On Judgment Day, Jesus Christ will resurrect the dead, reunite body and soul, and judge each for eternity in heaven, or on a restored, paradisiacal earth, or in hell.
• Why Evil?
The original sin of Adam and Eve caused all to inherit sinfulness. Some Conservative Protestants believe that only relatively few people will be saved. The work and influence of Satan prevail among the unsaved and/or those who lack complete faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.
• Salvation
Salvation is granted by the grace of God alone, through faith in Jesus Christ alone as Lord and Savior--not through "works" such as moral behavior, good deeds, and generally not through sacraments. Some believe that once saved, or born again, always saved. Many Conservative Protestants regard baptism, when performed, as a practice for adult believers, rather than infants/children, as it is not considered a sacrament for salvation but an act of commitment to the fellowship. Some Protestants regard baptism as a washing away of sin, which may be repeated. Among most, confession/repentance is considered personal, between the individual and God, unless a public sin is involved, and confession to a pastor, when offered, is optional. Pentecostalists believe that speaking in tongues is a gift from God as evidence of having been born again. Preaching the gospel, the Word of God, is often regarded as a means for building faith in Christ.
• Undeserved Suffering
Some suffering is caused by the inheritance of mortality originating from Adam and Eve's disobedience to God, which includes vulnerability to illness and disease. Also, Satan rules the earth, causing pain and suffering. Many believe that suffering is God's design to test, teach, or strengthen belief in Him; the greater the suffering of innocent believers, the greater will be their reward after life.
• Contemporary Issues
Abortion is considered murder. Positions among denominations on divorce vary from unacceptability of divorce and remarriage to acceptance of divorce in certain situations and remarriage.
Your Results:
The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.
Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.
How did the Belief-O-Matic do?
1. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (100%)
2. Orthodox Quaker (95%)
3. Eastern Orthodox (84%)
4. Roman Catholic (84%)
5. Seventh Day Adventist (81%)
6. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (75%)
7. Islam (68%)
8. Orthodox Judaism (68%)
9. Sikhism (59%)
10. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (58%)
Definition:
Belief in Deity
Most Conservative Protestants believe God is incorporeal, omnipresent spirit--a Trinity of the Father (God), the Son (Christ), and the Holy Spirit that comprises one God Almighty.
• Incarnations
Jesus Christ is God's only incarnation. He is the Son of God and God, both fully divine and fully human, part of the Trinity of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, which comprises one God Almighty.
• Origin of Universe and Life
The biblical book of Genesis is inerrant. God created the universe and all life forms from nothing in less than 7 days, less than 10,000 years ago--not as revealed by modern science. Many resolve the conflict between scientific evidence and the book of Genesis with the contention that God created the appearance of evolution (perhaps as a test of faith), or that scientific evidence is faulty.
• After Death
Saved souls experience the bliss of heaven and unsaved souls the torture of hell. On Judgment Day, Jesus Christ will resurrect the dead, reunite body and soul, and judge each for eternity in heaven, or on a restored, paradisiacal earth, or in hell.
• Why Evil?
The original sin of Adam and Eve caused all to inherit sinfulness. Some Conservative Protestants believe that only relatively few people will be saved. The work and influence of Satan prevail among the unsaved and/or those who lack complete faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.
• Salvation
Salvation is granted by the grace of God alone, through faith in Jesus Christ alone as Lord and Savior--not through "works" such as moral behavior, good deeds, and generally not through sacraments. Some believe that once saved, or born again, always saved. Many Conservative Protestants regard baptism, when performed, as a practice for adult believers, rather than infants/children, as it is not considered a sacrament for salvation but an act of commitment to the fellowship. Some Protestants regard baptism as a washing away of sin, which may be repeated. Among most, confession/repentance is considered personal, between the individual and God, unless a public sin is involved, and confession to a pastor, when offered, is optional. Pentecostalists believe that speaking in tongues is a gift from God as evidence of having been born again. Preaching the gospel, the Word of God, is often regarded as a means for building faith in Christ.
• Undeserved Suffering
Some suffering is caused by the inheritance of mortality originating from Adam and Eve's disobedience to God, which includes vulnerability to illness and disease. Also, Satan rules the earth, causing pain and suffering. Many believe that suffering is God's design to test, teach, or strengthen belief in Him; the greater the suffering of innocent believers, the greater will be their reward after life.
• Contemporary Issues
Abortion is considered murder. Positions among denominations on divorce vary from unacceptability of divorce and remarriage to acceptance of divorce in certain situations and remarriage.
Women of Faith Princess
I attended my second Women of Faith conference this summer. This was only 2 weeks after I had found out about Big Red's act of adultery. One of the core speakers was Nicole Johnson. She spoke of being a princess in God's eyes. I went to the website recently and discovered the following:
God Names You Princess
Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalm 16:11
God draws near to our hoping, trembling hearts and whispers one word: princess. Heaven holds its breath as He speaks a name that is deeper than our gifts or abilities; a name that gives us our place and purpose in the world. For a woman, it is a portrait of her heart and soul, which belongs only to her and to no one else in the same way. It expresses the nature, the character, and the life purpose of the woman who bears it. To paraphrase George MacDonald, “Who can give a woman this, her own name? God alone. For no one but God knows and delights in who she is, and who she will become.”
No one but God can recognize you fully. No one but God can love you completely. No one but God can name you Princess.
Nicole Johnson
Keeping a Princess Heart
Excerpted from Faith for a Lifetime: Daily Inspiration for Women of Faith
© 2005 Women of Faith, Inc. All rights reserved.
Since the conference my Mom has even gotten me a small crown. I keep it in my bathroom on a shelf next to my mirror. It helps me every morning to remember that God's opinion is most important and He thinks I'm a Princess.
God Names You Princess
Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalm 16:11
God draws near to our hoping, trembling hearts and whispers one word: princess. Heaven holds its breath as He speaks a name that is deeper than our gifts or abilities; a name that gives us our place and purpose in the world. For a woman, it is a portrait of her heart and soul, which belongs only to her and to no one else in the same way. It expresses the nature, the character, and the life purpose of the woman who bears it. To paraphrase George MacDonald, “Who can give a woman this, her own name? God alone. For no one but God knows and delights in who she is, and who she will become.”
No one but God can recognize you fully. No one but God can love you completely. No one but God can name you Princess.
Nicole Johnson
Keeping a Princess Heart
Excerpted from Faith for a Lifetime: Daily Inspiration for Women of Faith
© 2005 Women of Faith, Inc. All rights reserved.
Since the conference my Mom has even gotten me a small crown. I keep it in my bathroom on a shelf next to my mirror. It helps me every morning to remember that God's opinion is most important and He thinks I'm a Princess.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Kids today...
So I am about to enjoy a 4 day weekend! The only children I will be around are related by blood and I can walk away if I want to. I don't have to watch them, referee them or monitor them in any way. I know it makes me sound old but kids today really are different. Due to state licensing regulations of daycares we are not even allowed to give a "timeout" in my classroom. So the children know there are no "real" consequences and behave accordingly. Anyway I choose this career and I do love my job...most days.
I am sure that good ole Mom will be keeping me hopping trying to finish up everything before Christmas. In some aspects I am ready for the day itself to be over so that the stress level can return to "normal". I'm not stressed but others around me are. I am sad about spending my first Christmas in seven years without Big Red. I know it's the right thing to do but the pain is still very real.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Filler and fluff
In honor of the fact that I still don't feel that great and managed to slip in a 3 hour nap today I am going to go with the old stand by of quizzes and polls.
And if that wasn't bad enough...
..
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And if that wasn't bad enough...
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My ethnically enhanced global village name is Olena Fontanne.
Take The Global Village Multi Culti Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Poo
I feel like poo! Those lovely children I work with have coughed sneezed and spread their little germs all over me for the past week and I can't fight it anymore. My throat hurts, my sinuses are screaming at me and I have no voice left. This is not a good combo when working with LOUD 2 year olds. If I was a snowman I'm sure this picture would describe how I feel.
Apparently I am not the only person ailing from this dreadful bug. I received a call from my lawyers secretary. She had to cancel today because she went home after seeing her own doctor. (We sent home a few of our kids with fevers and the dreaded black lung like cough also.) I have the option of rescheduling with her but not until mid-January. I have been given a little more advice about sorting through the Debts vs. Assets debate from the finance dude at Church. I will elaborate at a different time. I need to process the information and get the little man with the giant hammer out of my head first.
Apparently I am not the only person ailing from this dreadful bug. I received a call from my lawyers secretary. She had to cancel today because she went home after seeing her own doctor. (We sent home a few of our kids with fevers and the dreaded black lung like cough also.) I have the option of rescheduling with her but not until mid-January. I have been given a little more advice about sorting through the Debts vs. Assets debate from the finance dude at Church. I will elaborate at a different time. I need to process the information and get the little man with the giant hammer out of my head first.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Feeling Grinch-like?
So I have the first appointment with my attorney tomorrow. It still sounds weird to me. I am feeling good about the action of divorce (well as good as one can feel) but I am feeling like a Grinch for doing this the week of Christmas. I am sure Big Red will not actually get served with the papers this week but nonetheless...I just need to remember that ultimately it was his choices and actions that led us down this road. If you see me and I look a little green remind me of that statement.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Crack the whip until she gives
Well today my Mother seemed to belittle "your religion" and debunk all of my childhood memories all in one fell swoop. She has questioned me several times on what I believe are acceptable projects to work with on Sundays. I keep trying to explain that God asked us to rest on Sundays. Yes we have certain tasks to complete during the course of the day. Don't get me wrong I am not one of those people who believe in a certain number of steps being allowed etc. This is just an area of my life that God has really brought to my attention. It was during a time when Big Red thought we should be working to remodel the house 24/7. A direct quote from Big Red, "You don't really need 7-8 hours of sleep. You only work 40 hours a week now." I had just come off a salaried job that consisted of a 60+ hour work week. God convicted me on making time for Him and honoring Him by resting (not working on remodeling projects) 1 day out of the week. So I gave in today and finished a project for her. Sigh.She also informed me that my memories of growing up in a house where Church was important and how I viewed my parents relationship were also wrong. I didn't even argue with her. How I viewed things was what was presented to me by them. But I can't argue with a woman who doesn't remember a conversation we had 30 minutes ago.
I guess I am doomed to be wrong until I move out. BUT the little passive aggressive comments will have to stop or I will be spending ALL my time in my room. Every sentence that has Big Red's name in it can't pass without her tacking on the word, "Allegedly". He may be not be up for sainthood but not every word spoken by him was a lie! I keep sharing my frustrations with her. I tell her at the moment she says something if I don't need to hear it. I am extremely peaceful about this divorce and I don't need her to fuel any unnecessary emotions. I will work through this at my own pace, not hers. She can be angry but please don't EXPOUND upon it everyday with me.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Only 6 days left
Last minute pollsters! I will keep the present poll about the "Christmas vs. Holiday" debate up until Christmas Eve. Vote while you can!
She's driving me crazy!
I have come to the conclusion that a 30 something female is not meant to live with her mother while going through a divorce! In fact if Big Red wasn't such a jerk/unfaithful husband, and if God hadn't released me from this marriage I would be tempted to go back home. She can't remember a conversation that happened less than 24 hours ago. She swears she told me things I have never heard before in my ENTIRE life. She told me half the "agenda" and left the room to finish doing her hair. She never came back so I thought she was done with her plan. Now she expects me to know the rest of her plan. When I repeated back what she said she said,"Well I didn't go to the same counselor as you so that irritates me because it makes me think my mouth doesn't work!" I told her when I repeat things I am making sure I heard it all correctly. She said I was wrong. She repeated verbatim what I said and said to me, "There are you happy." I think she may have finally completely lost it! She wonders why I spend so much time in my room...
Friday, December 16, 2005
It's not worth it
I actually laughed out loud at this one. Then I began to think of the relevance it has in my life right now. There are very few things worth fighting about with Big Red concerning the house. I do believe it should be a "fair" split. It is my understanding that because we don't have living children the courts will split the debt and assets down the middle. Of course I would want any "memory" items of my Father's (he passed away 6 years ago) that I accidentally left at the house. I do not want to deprive him of his "memory" items either.I did however take the "memory box" that I put together with the keepsake items from the miscarriages. It has the ultrasound pictures, cards from friends and a book called "Please Mommy Don't cry" with the children's names written inside the front cover. The book has helped me tremendously by reminding me that my children are in Heaven and I will get to see them again someday. I don't think he is as sentimental as I am, so he most likely will not miss this unless someone mentions that I have it.
I have an appointment with my lawyer on Tuesday. I need to sit down and make a list of assets versus debt with specifics before I go. I'm sure some of the items in the house that are parts to collections or specialty items will require appraisals.
On the up side to all this Big Red has gotten VERY MELLOW. I honestly believe I have taken the "wind out of his sails". I do know that God has once again placed a multitude of things in Big Red's life for him to deal with on an immediate basis. He has disclosed a few of these issues to me and I can say that he is going to have his hands full for the next several years working through these issues. He has put dealing with some of these off for years and it has caught up to him. God is once again bringing Big Red to his knees to get his attention. Big Red even stated to me that I could do whatever I needed to and he would just sign the papers. Now mind you I really don't have any delusions of it being THAT easy but I don't think I'm in for as much of a fight as I anticipated.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Wet T-Shirt
Somehow the look on this kids face makes me think this might have been a deliberate act. Or at least some sort of revenge.
On a positive note... I'm not giving up the possibility of children of my own someday. Either through remarriage or maybe international adoption. Who knows? It's a little while off yet.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
A little too close to home...
Maybe I should have taken the arguments that Big Red and I had about who cleans the cat litter box a little more serious. This article looks at the recent tragedy in our community. How idiotic that someone would take 4 lives over "chores".
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
The fun of snow!
At least it makes me think of some place warmer than here.
Ok I know, I know a little morbid. Well at least I think it's funny!
(Click on pictures for a bigger version)When I was a kid we lived next to a church with a big parking lot. The great thing about that was that when we got a decent amount of snow the trucks would come and push the snow all to one side next to a big yard. The best times that I remember are building forts in those huge snow mounds. Not just any forts. Forts with tunnels to hide inside of, forts with places to store snowballs for inevitable attacks on other neighborhood kids. We even made "emergency escape routes" by bringing pitchers of water out to pour down the sides. When it froze again it was a great slide AND great defense against someone trying to climb the sides for an attack of there own. We had to learn to be careful not to spill the water on the "ready made snowballs" because they would turn to ice balls...well a few bloody noses later we decided that wasn't a good idea. We also had to use care to use only fresh snow for snowballs... first because this was out in the country and dogs just roamed around in our little town and second...because the parking lot was gravel...enough said.
When we started out doing this I was one of the youngest kids so I was an easy target. I quickly learned how to defend myself, not that it was a"fair" defense but it kept me from what I was sure would be a quick yet painful death by snow. As the others got older and went off to join High School friends and other ventures I slowly recruited other newer kids in the neighborhood. I trained them well. I remember one time when we had school cancelled because of the weather. We had all the kids out...even the kids from the parsonage and the kids who came into town to get their mail on snowmobiles. It was the best! For the first time I wasn't the youngest in an all out snowball fight. But we "youngins" had trained well. We actually held our own against the bigger kids for the afternoon. Well in hindsight it was probably only 10 or 20 minutes but we felt like kings. We felt invincible!
That, my friends, is one of the best memories I have from my childhood because I don't think I felt that way again for the next 20 years. I thought no one could stop me then. I had the whole world in my little 11 year old hands. Now I have the freedom and peace given to me by God alone to feel that way again.
When we started out doing this I was one of the youngest kids so I was an easy target. I quickly learned how to defend myself, not that it was a"fair" defense but it kept me from what I was sure would be a quick yet painful death by snow. As the others got older and went off to join High School friends and other ventures I slowly recruited other newer kids in the neighborhood. I trained them well. I remember one time when we had school cancelled because of the weather. We had all the kids out...even the kids from the parsonage and the kids who came into town to get their mail on snowmobiles. It was the best! For the first time I wasn't the youngest in an all out snowball fight. But we "youngins" had trained well. We actually held our own against the bigger kids for the afternoon. Well in hindsight it was probably only 10 or 20 minutes but we felt like kings. We felt invincible!
That, my friends, is one of the best memories I have from my childhood because I don't think I felt that way again for the next 20 years. I thought no one could stop me then. I had the whole world in my little 11 year old hands. Now I have the freedom and peace given to me by God alone to feel that way again.
Monday, December 12, 2005
I feel so loved
Seriously I feel like my friends are all coming around me to support and encourage me. I knew that God was behind me but I had no idea how many people would wrap their arms around me, hug me, pray with me, help me and just love on me. I know that there will be people who don't agree with me, who think I'm wrong and will judge me but guess what....I don't care! I'm ok with God and the friend support is just an added bonus. Of course, I have more hair than Chuck but hey the picture worked for me.
I have heard that Big Red will be starting over in the God department. Apparently after he spoke to Pastor (the AP) or should I say was knocked off his high horse...he was urged to start over and see where he missed a step in his walk with God. If he wants to call himself a Christian he needs to start over and act like one. So he went back to the New Believers class to start from the beginning. I'm glad. It won't change anything from my perspective...there is no going back. However I'm hoping that it will change him, that he will be the person I know God intends for him to be.
But as for now I'm at peace and even getting my sense of humor back...
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Perfect Love
Perfect Love is what it is about.
I found the above link on another web site Does anybody read these? and linked it because it is so profound to me. God wants me to find His perfect love. I already know He loves me but sometimes just need to be reminded...gently.
We had an incredible worship service this morning and I went back tonight to hear about a missions trip to the New Orleans area. All day I have been in His presence and I feel so at peace.
Today I feel like "Big Red who?" I don't recognize that name...
I found the above link on another web site Does anybody read these? and linked it because it is so profound to me. God wants me to find His perfect love. I already know He loves me but sometimes just need to be reminded...gently.
We had an incredible worship service this morning and I went back tonight to hear about a missions trip to the New Orleans area. All day I have been in His presence and I feel so at peace.
Today I feel like "Big Red who?" I don't recognize that name...
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Release me...
Sorry I can't resist the temptation to post the lyrics to the old Wilson Phillips song, Release me.
I have let it go. I just hope in time Big Red will let me go and make this as "non-ugly" as possible. It's over there is no turning back now.
I have let it go. I just hope in time Big Red will let me go and make this as "non-ugly" as possible. It's over there is no turning back now.
Calmer now...sigh
Well I have talked to Big Red again and he seems much calmer. He spoke with one of his buddies that went through his anger management classes with him. He has decided to proceed through this being as civil as possible. Not that I really believe that...{oh like he is going to suddenly be bitten by the honesty bug and be like Jim Carey in Liar,Liar who could tell no lies}. I didn't agree to anything except that I would tell him before I decided (or met with) between a mediator and a lawyer (already have the lawyer appointment just didn't want to fan the embers). And that we could both be present with a church person or a police officer (some sort of third party) if anything else is taken out of the house.
Well we will see...
Well we will see...
Well...it's over or is it just beginning?
Well we went in and all in two trips took out the things that were mine. Of course he stated he will be calling the police. I called them and he has not called yet. I have done nothing illegal. He says he is moving out of the house and I will be responsible for all the bills on it. He stated that I didn't get Godly Counsel in this matter. I did and even gave him a name of a person whom I know can hold her own. I spoke with one of the pastors a few minutes ago. His comment was, "Look he can try to make this ugly (which he said he is going to do) but the bottom line is that he made choices to not listen to the help provided and use everyone he could in the process."I am wavering between utter disappointment in how he is acting (very Non-Christian), resolution to the situation (he hasn't been very 'God-like' for quite a while), sorrow that this is actually happening and confusion to how things ended up this way. Once again I put it in God's hands. He is ready to comfort me, protect and shield me.
Can't sleep
I suppose I am just nervous that I am going to have enough help today to get the dressers down the stairs. I have decided that I will drive by around 8:30 am to see if he is home. If he's there I will call and ask to have the house to myself for a few hours to collect more of my winter clothes and some things I need. In the past we have honored this agreement because he doesn't want to be around me when I'm mad. LOL I wonder why?
Check out the new blogpoll I created. I just HAD to join in on the debate :o)
Check out the new blogpoll I created. I just HAD to join in on the debate :o)
Friday, December 09, 2005
Refuge
I think things are falling together a little better. I came across this posting today on the Heart after Jesus Blog. I have regained that sense of peace again that everything will be OK.
Held
Ok today is kind of a down day for me. Tomorrow is supposed to be the big move but one by one people have started backing out on me. Apparently people are a little afraid that Big Red will be there and/or come home and go crazy with his arsenal. I am not blaming anyone for backing out. They need to do what is right for them and I respect that. I am just upset because this is not going as planned. Originally I had about 15 people set up to come in, do it all in one trip and be done. Now I'm down to 3 "for sures" and 4 "maybe". I'm at less than half now by the best circumstances. I know everything will be fine it's just slowly becoming more and more difficult. I honestly don't think he will hurt anyone. I think if he really cared he wouldn't have continued to cheat. As long as we stay clear of "his stuff" we will be fine.
The song that keeps going through my head is Held by Natalie Grant. As Christians we are never promised an easy path but we are told He will be there to carry us through.
The song that keeps going through my head is Held by Natalie Grant. As Christians we are never promised an easy path but we are told He will be there to carry us through.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
News Alert! Blitz attack coming!
I spoke with my friend who happens to be a counselor tonight. Side note: We have tried really hard to avoid this topic lately. I told her I am going to file and explained my plans. She advised me NOT to tell him before the move on Saturday. She believes that he might destroy items. She said it was my call but I think I tend to agree with her on this one. She said that she wouldn't even tell him I was going to file, "That's called 'being served' and you pay for that anyway." So that's the plan since he's not supposed to be home on Saturday.
She was one of the people I was nervous about telling. She said, "Good. Sounds like it's time. (Big Red) made the choice when he choose not to listen to the help he was given." I didn't even tell her that much but the other people involved at the church (2 pastors and 2 class leaders) told her with our permission. They have kept her updated.
Next planned event: Blitz attack at 9:00am Saturday morning!
Here we go...
(c)FreeFoto.com
Well it's official. I've started the process. I opened up new bank accounts today to protect myself financially. I know I'll still pay bills and protect our credit during this but I can't say the same for Big Red. I also called and made THE APPOINTMENT. I meet with my lawyer on Dec 20th. It sounds so far away but it is really only about 1 1/2 weeks away. That sounds so strange...My lawyer.
I spoke with one of my Pastors last night and he made an interesting comment. He has been very involved in our lives for the past 8 months well... really ever since we have know him. Needless to say he knows us both very well as we are friends with him and his wife. Anyway back to the comment. I told him about my plans for moving on Saturday, my plans for telling Big Red a) I'm moving b)It's over and I'm filing for a divorce (whew) and where God has taken me and the things He has taught me. During this conversation he said, "I'm sorry it has come to this but... this has been a long time coming. " I looked at him and he said, "Well you guys have been going through this for a long time now." I told him that I was waiting for the "release from God" and that He had done that several weeks ago at the retreat and I was perfecting the timing of all this. He said he understood. I think it is almost like everyone else is tired of seeing me fight a losing battle. I'm fine with that because I am right with God. I needed to wait on God's timing so that 10 years from now I don't look back with regrets.
The Bible verse above is one a friend gave me when I was really struggling this past summer. I find it to be very encouraging because I know that God has released me from the obligation (or vow) I made to stay in this marriage. He will guide my steps and protect me during this whole thing. I also know that if this lawyer isn't right for me He will provide one that will protect me as well. I'm not going into this naive but I am also not willing to let Big Red ruin me financially either.
And by the way I'm still moving whether we are having a blizzard or not! WE CAN DO IT!
I spoke with one of my Pastors last night and he made an interesting comment. He has been very involved in our lives for the past 8 months well... really ever since we have know him. Needless to say he knows us both very well as we are friends with him and his wife. Anyway back to the comment. I told him about my plans for moving on Saturday, my plans for telling Big Red a) I'm moving b)It's over and I'm filing for a divorce (whew) and where God has taken me and the things He has taught me. During this conversation he said, "I'm sorry it has come to this but... this has been a long time coming. " I looked at him and he said, "Well you guys have been going through this for a long time now." I told him that I was waiting for the "release from God" and that He had done that several weeks ago at the retreat and I was perfecting the timing of all this. He said he understood. I think it is almost like everyone else is tired of seeing me fight a losing battle. I'm fine with that because I am right with God. I needed to wait on God's timing so that 10 years from now I don't look back with regrets.
The Bible verse above is one a friend gave me when I was really struggling this past summer. I find it to be very encouraging because I know that God has released me from the obligation (or vow) I made to stay in this marriage. He will guide my steps and protect me during this whole thing. I also know that if this lawyer isn't right for me He will provide one that will protect me as well. I'm not going into this naive but I am also not willing to let Big Red ruin me financially either.
And by the way I'm still moving whether we are having a blizzard or not! WE CAN DO IT!
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
A new discussion link...
I wanted to let you know about a new link to a blog called Legalism stinks. It is an open forum to throw around ideas about the church in general and people's different views on various aspects of Faith. Check it out and throw in your two cents worth.
Do they have a card for this?
This is really how I have felt lately. I'm not sure if it is the cold weather, being dark later in the morning or if I'm just plain tired. I stopped taking my "sleepy time" medicine over 1 1/2 months ago. I have been sleeping well...who knows.
Not too much new on the Big Red front. I still haven't figured out the right timing or situation to tell him I'm moving on Saturday and I'll be filing for divorce. I suppose a card is out of the question. Do they make a card for that?
Roses are Red ....Violets are blue ....you screwed around so I'm divorcing you.....
Work has been interesting. I had an altercation with a "supervisor" today. She had a "Big Hair" day. When she comes in to work in the morning you can tell her mood by the size of her hair. No LIE. The bigger her hair the bigger her attitude. Of course she had complete unfettered run of the place today so well...it was chaos...I mean "interesting". She can be quite rude but I've been told she is just blunt...HA...I think it is rude to stand and demean or reprimand someone in front of a fellow coworker for 20 minutes. If she has an issue she should discuss it in private. But then she would lose her audience. Oh well.
I need to go make my "appearance" in front of my Mother. She feels like I'm ignoring her...geez I can't make anyone happy these days!
Monday, December 05, 2005
The Race
After I'm done running this race and I'm standing face to face with the creator Himself...I want to walk out of this life with no regrets about how I've handled myself. I want to have no second thoughts, no should have, could have or if only's. I want to have fulfilled His purpose...not mine alone. I want to take as many friends and others with me as I can. Are you coming?
Tattoo?
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Late? Twice?!
As you can tell I have discovered a new perk or toy on this blog thingy. I guess it is not new as much as I finally figured out how to use it.
So today is my Mother's birthday. She managed to go to 2 different churches for services (one for a singing thing for a grandson and the other her "home" church). The only reason I point this out is because somehow she managed to be late to BOTH services. She came home in between the two and all she did was take off her shoes. I left in my car and her last words to me were, "I'm right behind you". I got there a little early to talk to people but she still managed to be 10 minutes late to the service that is only 5 minutes from the house! Big Red's accountability person told me he hasn't spoken to him in 3 or 4 days. I informed him of the decisions I have made lately and told him it didn't really matter if Big Red spoke with him or not from my perspective. A.P. did advise me to tell Big Red BEFORE the move next weekend. I don't know how to do this... He said he would think about a few solutions or possible scenarios and get back to me. This should be an interesting week to say the least!
Ran into...
Sorry I couldn't resist this one! After all the grief Big Red has given me (and I have taken from him) I think it is ok to have a few little digs at him. I would not actually harm him...that would mean I would get stuck with the house...eeekk!
Saturday, December 03, 2005
The garage...sigh
So today I spent 2 1/2 hours or so clearing things out of my Mother's garage. The plan started out being to rearrange so that next weekend I would be able to fit my bounty from the great move. But enter Mom...
"Could you please find the Christmas decorations while your out there and bring them in so that we can put them up soon?" Sigh... Yes when she said find she meant locate in the vast amount of boxes that she had piled into the garage over the course of the last year since she took them down. So instead of simply moving and rearranging the boxes I now had to open every single one to see if it contained festive decorations. I think this year when we pack them up we (ok so it will be me) will be LABELING everything. I know it is a shocking concept but .... hey lets try something well... just downright crazy. Oh but wait there's more! My Mother is the original packrat! She buys things (specifically Christmas items for the sake of this post) at garage sales and online auction sites throughout the entire year and now expected me to find them. I guess this would be the one upside to all the memory problems she has been experiencing lately. It's not like she going to remember ALL the things she bought.
So she arrived home peeked in the garage and asked me if I "found anything interesting out there". Now that's a loaded question to say the least. First of all let's look at a few basic facts:
* She is a packrat. No question about it.
* She is a compulsive shopper. When items are bought she stuffs them anywhere she can find space.
* She is a clown. Yes as in the real thing with face painted and all the gimmicks to go along with it.
* She occasionally runs across an item and swears she never bought that it must belong to one of the children (that would be my sister or I). She buys so much that SHE can't even remember it all.
Long story... No I didn't find the "Magnetic Polka Dots" for your car.
I believe I have created enough room to fit most (if not all) of my items next weekend. Of course that is provided she doesn't go shopping between now and then...
"Could you please find the Christmas decorations while your out there and bring them in so that we can put them up soon?" Sigh... Yes when she said find she meant locate in the vast amount of boxes that she had piled into the garage over the course of the last year since she took them down. So instead of simply moving and rearranging the boxes I now had to open every single one to see if it contained festive decorations. I think this year when we pack them up we (ok so it will be me) will be LABELING everything. I know it is a shocking concept but .... hey lets try something well... just downright crazy. Oh but wait there's more! My Mother is the original packrat! She buys things (specifically Christmas items for the sake of this post) at garage sales and online auction sites throughout the entire year and now expected me to find them. I guess this would be the one upside to all the memory problems she has been experiencing lately. It's not like she going to remember ALL the things she bought.
So she arrived home peeked in the garage and asked me if I "found anything interesting out there". Now that's a loaded question to say the least. First of all let's look at a few basic facts:
* She is a packrat. No question about it.
* She is a compulsive shopper. When items are bought she stuffs them anywhere she can find space.
* She is a clown. Yes as in the real thing with face painted and all the gimmicks to go along with it.
* She occasionally runs across an item and swears she never bought that it must belong to one of the children (that would be my sister or I). She buys so much that SHE can't even remember it all.
Long story... No I didn't find the "Magnetic Polka Dots" for your car.
I believe I have created enough room to fit most (if not all) of my items next weekend. Of course that is provided she doesn't go shopping between now and then...
Friday, December 02, 2005
A sad day for children everywhere
The author of the Berenstain Bears has died.
http://www.legacy.com/news-journal/LegacySubPage2.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=15814129
I will figure out the link someday. Until then you need to copy and paste.
I can see it now...Captain Kangaroo, Mister Rogers, Dr. Seuss and Stan Berenstain are all having a party...maybe even with my kids...
Thanks to Loni at
http://journalingthroughthevalley.blogspot.com/
for the information.
http://www.legacy.com/news-journal/LegacySubPage2.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=15814129
I will figure out the link someday. Until then you need to copy and paste.
I can see it now...Captain Kangaroo, Mister Rogers, Dr. Seuss and Stan Berenstain are all having a party...maybe even with my kids...
Thanks to Loni at
http://journalingthroughthevalley.blogspot.com/
for the information.
The only reason I posted this is because it is my favorite ice cream...
| You Are Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream |
 A classic and an original, no wonder everyone snakes your style! |
My Brain pattern???
| Your Brain's Pattern |
 Your brain is always looking for the connections in life. You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first. You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker. You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white. |
Thursday, December 01, 2005
New Orleans and Bulgaria???
The missions trip...
Well as I sat and listened to a friend discuss her recent missions trip to New Orleans (to help with clean up) last night during class it finally made sense..well sort of.
She said that she came back with a picture in her head of a little 18 month old boy she saw holding his Father's hand in a line to receive free food on Thanksgiving day. She spoke briefly with the man and learned that he had lost everything he owned and came out to get food from "volunteer groups" every day with his son. As my friend reflected on this picture she thought about this: Nothing else mattered or even made sense to that little boy except that his Dad was holding his hand and providing him with the basics (like food). She said it reminded her of our relationship with our own Heavenly Father. He is there to hold our hand, provide for us and comfort us when nothing makes sense. When we feel like the rug has been ripped out from under us...He is there. When we hear the "dreadful news"...He is there. When your world seems out of control and you don't know what to do He is there to hold our hands, provide for us (whatever the need) and comfort us. The key is this: We must trust Him to do this with the faith of a child. The little boy trusted his earthly Father like we need to trust in our Heavenly Father.
My points are:
* God will see me through this situation with Big Red if I let Him. I'm not in control and He needs me to realize this so that He can help me.
*My friend also stated that she came back very grateful for what she does have and with "a new outlook and perspective on her life and what it means."
* I believe God is urging me to go to Bulgaria at that particular time because I WILL need a fresh outlook by that time. The divorce will either be final or nearing the end by that time.
Well as I sat and listened to a friend discuss her recent missions trip to New Orleans (to help with clean up) last night during class it finally made sense..well sort of.
She said that she came back with a picture in her head of a little 18 month old boy she saw holding his Father's hand in a line to receive free food on Thanksgiving day. She spoke briefly with the man and learned that he had lost everything he owned and came out to get food from "volunteer groups" every day with his son. As my friend reflected on this picture she thought about this: Nothing else mattered or even made sense to that little boy except that his Dad was holding his hand and providing him with the basics (like food). She said it reminded her of our relationship with our own Heavenly Father. He is there to hold our hand, provide for us and comfort us when nothing makes sense. When we feel like the rug has been ripped out from under us...He is there. When we hear the "dreadful news"...He is there. When your world seems out of control and you don't know what to do He is there to hold our hands, provide for us (whatever the need) and comfort us. The key is this: We must trust Him to do this with the faith of a child. The little boy trusted his earthly Father like we need to trust in our Heavenly Father.
My points are:
* God will see me through this situation with Big Red if I let Him. I'm not in control and He needs me to realize this so that He can help me.
*My friend also stated that she came back very grateful for what she does have and with "a new outlook and perspective on her life and what it means."
* I believe God is urging me to go to Bulgaria at that particular time because I WILL need a fresh outlook by that time. The divorce will either be final or nearing the end by that time.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Update
I did speak to the couple who taught our class and told her that it was over and I would be filing for a divorce. When I said I felt like I had no other choice because of X, Y, and Z (don't feel like typing it all again) she said that she agreed because of those reasons. Whew 1 person down. I have 2 or 3 friends (supporters/encouragers) that will be difficult for me to tell.
Have you ever just wanted to SCREAM!?
I had a massive run-in with Big Red tonight. Now he's mad that I didn't do the computer room by myself. LOL. He contends that I didn't live up to my part of the agreement! I will never make him happy! I am trying to cancel the meeting we have with the other couple for tomorrow night. I've got a call into them...
I've tried doing an internet search to see if he has any children out there that I'm unaware of their existence. What you don't think that is possible? Well let's take a look at the things I've discovered this summer:
* Big Red has at least one account that I've found set up in a different name (using an alias)
* I haven't found the credit card that matches the number I found on that account.
* He has had more than a few "indiscretions".
* He has continued a "relationship" with another woman.
He stated to me tonight that if I'm waiting on him to "Kiss my ass" and beg me to come back I will be waiting a long time because that will NEVER happen. I told him that I don't feel like he wants a relationship with me and he immediately turned it around about all the things I do wrong. I can't wait to get the show on the road and get busy getting on with my life.
I just want to scream at him! Any volunteers to help me move the rest of my things on Saturday December 10th?
I've tried doing an internet search to see if he has any children out there that I'm unaware of their existence. What you don't think that is possible? Well let's take a look at the things I've discovered this summer:
* Big Red has at least one account that I've found set up in a different name (using an alias)
* I haven't found the credit card that matches the number I found on that account.
* He has had more than a few "indiscretions".
* He has continued a "relationship" with another woman.
He stated to me tonight that if I'm waiting on him to "Kiss my ass" and beg me to come back I will be waiting a long time because that will NEVER happen. I told him that I don't feel like he wants a relationship with me and he immediately turned it around about all the things I do wrong. I can't wait to get the show on the road and get busy getting on with my life.
I just want to scream at him! Any volunteers to help me move the rest of my things on Saturday December 10th?
Monday, November 28, 2005
The Calm know as "the peace that passes all understanding"
I'm a little calmer today in some aspects. I can honestly that God has come in and eased my fears, calmed my spirit and helped me to refocus.
All I'm really going to say right now about the phone call that I received is this...It has been made apparent to me that this act of adultery was not an isolated event and based on the information I have...(deep breath)...there have been more than a few "friends" in Big Red's life during our 7 year relationship.
I have had one of those moments that I call a "puzzle piece" moment. It is when someone gives you information that you didn't know you were even missing at the time. BUT when you have the information it fills in SO MANY incomplete thoughts or confusing situations. It is like receiving the puzzle piece you didn't know that you didn't have until you have it and then the picture is all of a sudden extremely clear to you. With the information so many questions have been answered. The signs were there but I didn't see them because I thought I could trust Big Red. I dismissed a lot of items because of my trust issues from the past. I thought I was "reading too much into it." I guess I wasn't after all.
Needless to say it is over. I will be having a meeting later this week with a pastor to discuss how to tell Big Red and basically come up with a "game plan" so that this can be handled in a mature manner (at least by me). I already know that because of his temper that I will not be telling him alone. The Pastor and I have already discussed that there needs to be another couple present. I will keep everyone updated as I know more...
God is in control. Bottom line. God will handle all this in His time.
All I'm really going to say right now about the phone call that I received is this...It has been made apparent to me that this act of adultery was not an isolated event and based on the information I have...(deep breath)...there have been more than a few "friends" in Big Red's life during our 7 year relationship.
I have had one of those moments that I call a "puzzle piece" moment. It is when someone gives you information that you didn't know you were even missing at the time. BUT when you have the information it fills in SO MANY incomplete thoughts or confusing situations. It is like receiving the puzzle piece you didn't know that you didn't have until you have it and then the picture is all of a sudden extremely clear to you. With the information so many questions have been answered. The signs were there but I didn't see them because I thought I could trust Big Red. I dismissed a lot of items because of my trust issues from the past. I thought I was "reading too much into it." I guess I wasn't after all.
Needless to say it is over. I will be having a meeting later this week with a pastor to discuss how to tell Big Red and basically come up with a "game plan" so that this can be handled in a mature manner (at least by me). I already know that because of his temper that I will not be telling him alone. The Pastor and I have already discussed that there needs to be another couple present. I will keep everyone updated as I know more...
God is in control. Bottom line. God will handle all this in His time.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Hot under the collar!
I'm glad that I've basically made the decision already. I'm too mad to even type it out but maybe I will at a later date. The only thing I have to say is that I had an interesting conversation with Big Red's brother (the one who's ex-wife he slept with). God will carry me through.
Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Happy Day vs. Sad Day
Today has been rough. On one hand it is a happy day because it is a close friend's birthday on the other hand the twins would have been 3 today. Maybe I should back track a little for you...
I have miscarriages. I have no children here, they are all in Heaven waiting for me. Various dates have significance for me because either it would have/ should have/could have been a birthday or it is a date that one of my angels went to Heaven. Today is one of those days.
Big Red and I lost twins and they would have been due today. I don't expect him to remember because his mind is not good with dates. Usually we would curl up in bed watch a movie and just cuddle our way through the tears that come and go on days like these. I don't know what he did but I cleaned my bedroom, did laundry, put my new sheets on the bed and talked things over with God.
I did manage to brave the crowds yesterday and do a little shopping. I'm not a crowds person let alone a shopper by anyone's standards... so this was an accomplishment to say the least. I got my nephew an X-Box game that will make me the favorite Aunt this year! This is when I also picked up new "T-Shirt" sheets with a funky stripe pattern. New bed=new sheets. This bed happens to be one that I inherited and was storing at my Mother's house so it will go with me when I start over on my own. Of course I will be taking the matching dressers from the house at some point which should create some more tension between Big Red and I.
I have enjoyed my 4 day weekend BUT I have discovered how much time is TOO much time with my mother. I plan on making a "run" for it by planning some things with friends from church for tomorrow afternoon (I hope).
I have miscarriages. I have no children here, they are all in Heaven waiting for me. Various dates have significance for me because either it would have/ should have/could have been a birthday or it is a date that one of my angels went to Heaven. Today is one of those days.
Big Red and I lost twins and they would have been due today. I don't expect him to remember because his mind is not good with dates. Usually we would curl up in bed watch a movie and just cuddle our way through the tears that come and go on days like these. I don't know what he did but I cleaned my bedroom, did laundry, put my new sheets on the bed and talked things over with God.
I did manage to brave the crowds yesterday and do a little shopping. I'm not a crowds person let alone a shopper by anyone's standards... so this was an accomplishment to say the least. I got my nephew an X-Box game that will make me the favorite Aunt this year! This is when I also picked up new "T-Shirt" sheets with a funky stripe pattern. New bed=new sheets. This bed happens to be one that I inherited and was storing at my Mother's house so it will go with me when I start over on my own. Of course I will be taking the matching dressers from the house at some point which should create some more tension between Big Red and I.
I have enjoyed my 4 day weekend BUT I have discovered how much time is TOO much time with my mother. I plan on making a "run" for it by planning some things with friends from church for tomorrow afternoon (I hope).
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Gobble Gobble
Oh the joys of eating ourselves to oblivion and then napping on the couch for the rest of the afternoon is one of the Hallmarks of my Family traditions on Thanksgiving. Eating, talking then eating more, then talking and finally dessert. We did have "extra" people this year in the form of the inlaws from "that other country". They had never experienced Thanksgiving... so this year was even more traditional than usual.
This year Big Red and his Mother were noticeably absent. Not that they were invited but it all started to hit home again today. My life will never be the same again. Hopefully down the road it will be better but for now definitely different. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I expected to hear from him today. We haven't spoken since last Friday. Then again today is a sentimental day for the 2 of us. Five years ago on Thanksgiving day Big Red proposed in the middle of my sister's living room in front of my family.
I'm just sad that things have turned out the way they have.
This year Big Red and his Mother were noticeably absent. Not that they were invited but it all started to hit home again today. My life will never be the same again. Hopefully down the road it will be better but for now definitely different. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I expected to hear from him today. We haven't spoken since last Friday. Then again today is a sentimental day for the 2 of us. Five years ago on Thanksgiving day Big Red proposed in the middle of my sister's living room in front of my family.
I'm just sad that things have turned out the way they have.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
A tale of two shoes
I attended the "Thanksgiving eve" service at Church tonight. It is an informal casual service. God caught my attention while I was praying during the service. He began to show me that I need to slow down, "smell the roses" and take time to appreciate the little things in life. I had my head bowed praying when I opened my eyes to discover that I had 2 different shoes on my feet. I started trying to stifle the laughter welling up inside of me. Luckily I go to a "contemporary" church and others around me started praising God rather loudly so the giggles that leaked out went unnoticed.
That was my funny moment for today...
That was my funny moment for today...
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Which Muppet are you?
You are Fozzie Bear.
You are caring and love your friends as if they
were family. For only they will put up with
your stupid jokes.
FAVORITE EXPRESSION:
"Wocka! Wocka!"
FAVORITE AUTHOR:
Gags Beasley, comedy writer
HOBBIES:
Telling jokes, dodging tomatoes
QUOTE:
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
NEVER LEAVES HOME WITHOUT:
His joybuzzer, his whoopee cushion and Clyde, the
rubber chicken.
What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Monday, November 21, 2005
My little "friends"
OK a little venting...
* I have seen entirely too much diarrhea today...5 children = 14 diapers
* Between the two classes today we had 3 children...oh I'll be polite...vomit. Ok maybe not...2 children "projectile puke" and another "spring a leak" and ooze.
* Two year olds not understanding that "we can't walk through the puddles o' puke"
* Greenish yellowish snot leaking from every little nose in our classroom.
I need a day off. I can't believe I went to college for this...
I don't make enough money for the things I do.
* I have seen entirely too much diarrhea today...5 children = 14 diapers
* Between the two classes today we had 3 children...oh I'll be polite...vomit. Ok maybe not...2 children "projectile puke" and another "spring a leak" and ooze.
* Two year olds not understanding that "we can't walk through the puddles o' puke"
* Greenish yellowish snot leaking from every little nose in our classroom.
I need a day off. I can't believe I went to college for this...
I don't make enough money for the things I do.
Let us give thanks ........
Let us give thanks ........
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..
FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.
FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.
FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.
FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..
FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.
FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.
FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.
FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
More confirmations
At Church today as I was speaking to a friend about some of the things that God revealed to me this weekend she suggested that I read Hebrews 11. I told her I had read it numerous times :o) She asked me to read it with a renewed view. I did. The items that stuck out to me were the parts about God honoring those who are faithful and obedient to Him. The other item that God showed me is that I will lose friends in this entire process. Certain people will not agree with my choices. Remarkably I am ok with that because I am being obedient to Him. And well let's face it...if God loves me and I'm following His guidance then He will take care of things and place people in my life to help me along this path. I would rather lose every friend I have than be disobedient to God.
I am looking foward to the shortened work week! I really need a break from all the runny noses and grouchy little "friends" at school. I love them dearly but I haven't had a full day off since Labor Day.
I am looking foward to the shortened work week! I really need a break from all the runny noses and grouchy little "friends" at school. I love them dearly but I haven't had a full day off since Labor Day.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
I have been set free!
Wow...What a weekend. I went to this retreat hoping for a powerful encounter with God and a confirmation of some items. I am still sorting through all the things God did in my heart...but this I KNOW God loves me and NOTHING else matters. If my actions line up with God and my heart is right with Him I don't care what anyone else thinks. Because He died for me and He would do it all again...He loves me that much!
I want to stand up and yell, "I have been set free!" Oh the freedom in forgiveness...I don't have to carry the baggage of the failures in my marriage, the sins of the past or any areas that were holding me captive!
My faith has brought me through many trials and God will carry me through this, too.
I want to stand up and yell, "I have been set free!" Oh the freedom in forgiveness...I don't have to carry the baggage of the failures in my marriage, the sins of the past or any areas that were holding me captive!
My faith has brought me through many trials and God will carry me through this, too.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Busy, Busy, Busy
Well after my great weekend discovering "my story" at that conference now I'm off to a full fledged retreat on Fri. and Sat. To backtrack a little:
Big Red told me about his affair the Weds. before I attended this same retreat in May. At our church we can attend a 16 week class called "Cleansing Streams" and attend a retreat for a weekend to grow in our relationship with God. Last time I was completely blown out of the water by his "little announcement" and still went to the retreat in a town over 2 hours away. This time the retreat is in my own town so I'm attending (we don't have to attend the class more than once in order to attend).
I am really looking foward to "getting away" and growing closer to God. Lately I have felt like God is standing beside me in every decision I have made or contemplated. I feel amazingly close to Him in these last weeks.
This is the verse I'm holding onto today:
Romans 15:13 (NIV)
13May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Big Red told me about his affair the Weds. before I attended this same retreat in May. At our church we can attend a 16 week class called "Cleansing Streams" and attend a retreat for a weekend to grow in our relationship with God. Last time I was completely blown out of the water by his "little announcement" and still went to the retreat in a town over 2 hours away. This time the retreat is in my own town so I'm attending (we don't have to attend the class more than once in order to attend).
I am really looking foward to "getting away" and growing closer to God. Lately I have felt like God is standing beside me in every decision I have made or contemplated. I feel amazingly close to Him in these last weeks.
This is the verse I'm holding onto today:
Romans 15:13 (NIV)
13May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Peace
I am incredibly at peace. I didn't go over to finish taking the rest of the items but I will later this week. I have only told 3 maybe 4 people about my intentions. I am still waiting until after this weekend like I have been asked to do.
In honor of Thanksgiving I have included this funny item:
http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/view.pd?i=382219626&m=1652&rr=y&sou
In honor of Thanksgiving I have included this funny item:
http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/view.pd?i=382219626&m=1652&rr=y&sou
Monday, November 14, 2005
Tackling the computer room
Whew! I had a dear, sweet, kind, gracious friend go with me to take on my cleaning project in the house. I'm happy to say we got through most of it and managed to pack up most of the rest of the room too! I now have very little personal items left to pack. I have not yet told him that I plan on moving out for good. Big Red seems to oblivious to what I'm doing, he is too concentrated on what I'm "not doing". I did find a few surprises that I didn't expect...
On a happier note...
God is still doing some amazing work in my life right now. He is starting to heal my heart and deepening the peace I feel. I continue to pray that Big Red will come running back to God. I believe that God is also calling me to go on a 2 week missions trip in the spring. I know this is awful timing, I don't have the money and I must be crazy to consider this, BUT I'm praying for God's direction and I have asked a few close friends to join me prayer about this issue also.
On a happier note...
God is still doing some amazing work in my life right now. He is starting to heal my heart and deepening the peace I feel. I continue to pray that Big Red will come running back to God. I believe that God is also calling me to go on a 2 week missions trip in the spring. I know this is awful timing, I don't have the money and I must be crazy to consider this, BUT I'm praying for God's direction and I have asked a few close friends to join me prayer about this issue also.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Confirmations
So today was another awesome day in Church. I keep getting these confirmations from God that it is ok for me to be divorced. Not that He is happy but Big Red's actions are showing himself to be running from God. As long as I continue to seek God all will be ok. Not that it won't hurt or be hard but God will care for me. God doesn't expect me to stand by and watch Big Red build relationships with other women while we are still married. God doesn't expect me to be responsible for accounts Big Red is building in different names. God does expect me to use this to minister to others, reach out to others later and glorify His name.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
How would you handle a problem in your relationship?
Apparently some people do not handle relationship problems by venting it out on a blog.
WESTMORELAND COUNTY, Pa. -- Gail O'Toole was convicted of simple assault and sentenced to six months probation for acts she committed against her ex-lover.
On Wednesday, the civil suit went to court, where O'Toole's ex-boyfriend claimed her "outrageous" and "inhumane" acts are worth thousands in damages. Ken Slaby said he was in love with O'Toole five years ago. He even admitted he was devastated when O'Toole broke it off. So, when O'Toole invited him over to her Murrysville home to rekindle a friendship, he said he agreed. Slaby said O'Toole even went to his house in Pittsburgh to pick him up. But according to Slaby, the night took a turn when O'Toole got angry about Slaby's new love. Slaby said O'Toole waited until he fell asleep and glued his penis to his stomach, glued his testicle to his leg and glued the cheeks of his buttocks together. When came the nail polish.Slaby claimed O'Toole dumped it all over his head.When he woke up, Slaby said O'Toole threw him out.
He didn't have a car, so he was forced to walk one mile down Route 22 to call 911 and Murrysville police, Slaby said. When asked if in his 23 years as a police officer he had seen anything like this, Patrolman Joseph Malone of the Murrysville Police Department said, "No, I can't say I have." At the hospital, oils did little to remove the glue. Nurses actually had to peel it off.
Slaby underwent treatment from a dermatologist several times afterward. O'Toole's attorney said this was part of routine sexual activity between the couple -- acts that he agreed to -- incidents that should have stayed in the bedroom. But Slaby said O'Toole told him she planned the acts since the break up. According to Slaby, O'Toole came up with script and followed it to the letter because she was angry that he had moved on. Slaby said his injuries included severe burning on parts of his body, impingement of normal bodily functions and discoloration of his hair.
The 10 men and two women on the jury can award Slaby $30,000 or more. Their decision is expected late on Thursday.
WESTMORELAND COUNTY, Pa. -- Gail O'Toole was convicted of simple assault and sentenced to six months probation for acts she committed against her ex-lover.
On Wednesday, the civil suit went to court, where O'Toole's ex-boyfriend claimed her "outrageous" and "inhumane" acts are worth thousands in damages. Ken Slaby said he was in love with O'Toole five years ago. He even admitted he was devastated when O'Toole broke it off. So, when O'Toole invited him over to her Murrysville home to rekindle a friendship, he said he agreed. Slaby said O'Toole even went to his house in Pittsburgh to pick him up. But according to Slaby, the night took a turn when O'Toole got angry about Slaby's new love. Slaby said O'Toole waited until he fell asleep and glued his penis to his stomach, glued his testicle to his leg and glued the cheeks of his buttocks together. When came the nail polish.Slaby claimed O'Toole dumped it all over his head.When he woke up, Slaby said O'Toole threw him out.
He didn't have a car, so he was forced to walk one mile down Route 22 to call 911 and Murrysville police, Slaby said. When asked if in his 23 years as a police officer he had seen anything like this, Patrolman Joseph Malone of the Murrysville Police Department said, "No, I can't say I have." At the hospital, oils did little to remove the glue. Nurses actually had to peel it off.
Slaby underwent treatment from a dermatologist several times afterward. O'Toole's attorney said this was part of routine sexual activity between the couple -- acts that he agreed to -- incidents that should have stayed in the bedroom. But Slaby said O'Toole told him she planned the acts since the break up. According to Slaby, O'Toole came up with script and followed it to the letter because she was angry that he had moved on. Slaby said his injuries included severe burning on parts of his body, impingement of normal bodily functions and discoloration of his hair.
The 10 men and two women on the jury can award Slaby $30,000 or more. Their decision is expected late on Thursday.
Loving your story
Wow what a life impacting, stronghold shattering, life changing and all around awesome day! I went to the conference today. I actually listened to Dan Allender, PhD (the author of a book titled "to be told" <--- couldn't figure out the underline) teach on his book.
Every event in my life (and yours) has been written by the Author of Creation...God Himself. No He did not write the sinful parts (or the painful parts like abuse etc) but He uses them for good of His Kingdom. If you allow Him to, He will help you reveal your own story (future) as He intends for you to live. I am still processing all the great information that I received today so I apologize if I'm not making sense. All I know is I had a glimpse of God in an auditorium today... through the words of a humble man I began to see the depth of Love that God has for me and the plan He has for me.
God can use all this junk with Big Red and other events in my life to help me further His Kingdom. He can help me discover my passion and show others a glimpse of Him.
Every event in my life (and yours) has been written by the Author of Creation...God Himself. No He did not write the sinful parts (or the painful parts like abuse etc) but He uses them for good of His Kingdom. If you allow Him to, He will help you reveal your own story (future) as He intends for you to live. I am still processing all the great information that I received today so I apologize if I'm not making sense. All I know is I had a glimpse of God in an auditorium today... through the words of a humble man I began to see the depth of Love that God has for me and the plan He has for me.
God can use all this junk with Big Red and other events in my life to help me further His Kingdom. He can help me discover my passion and show others a glimpse of Him.
Friday, November 11, 2005
And the saga continues...
Well I heard back from the cell phone company. VERDICT: No Fraud or malice involved. Calls were placed from Big Red's phone. Presumably by Big Red himself although I'm sure that will be one of the next excuses.
I went to work on my part of the agreement tonight by looking after the "office". I have discovered that he has placed MANY new items in the room. Apparently if he didn't know what to do with an item of mine he chucked it into the computer room for me to take care of it. I ready to go in with a crew and pack ALL of my things and just leave once and for all...
I am attending a conference tomorrow that I'm very excited about. It is titled "Learning to Love your story". About accepting the role God has given to each of us and learning to love and thrive in that role. Sounds like it was made for me at this point in my life.
http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/mickey_ouch.htm
Copy and paste for a disturbing yet humorous picture of Mickey Mouse.
I went to work on my part of the agreement tonight by looking after the "office". I have discovered that he has placed MANY new items in the room. Apparently if he didn't know what to do with an item of mine he chucked it into the computer room for me to take care of it. I ready to go in with a crew and pack ALL of my things and just leave once and for all...
I am attending a conference tomorrow that I'm very excited about. It is titled "Learning to Love your story". About accepting the role God has given to each of us and learning to love and thrive in that role. Sounds like it was made for me at this point in my life.
http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/mickey_ouch.htm
Copy and paste for a disturbing yet humorous picture of Mickey Mouse.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
My Verse to hold close
This verse was brought to my mind again today.
Isaiah 41:10
New International Version (NIV)
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Amplified Version
10Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice.
Isaiah 41:10
New International Version (NIV)
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Amplified Version
10Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Favorite Quotes
It is time for a little humor. I found these quotes to share with you all. Enjoy!
1) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos--you never know what's going to burn your butt.
2) I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
5) I don't have an attitude problem, You have a perception problem.
6) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling?
7) My reality check bounced.
8) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
9) I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier!
10) You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
12) Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
13) Be careful . . .A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
14) Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.
15) The more Crap you put up with, the more Crap you are going to get.
16) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
17) So this isn't Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust!
18) Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!
19) I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
20) Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves For they shall never cease to be amused.
21) How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap!
22) "Normal" is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, the car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it!
1) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos--you never know what's going to burn your butt.
2) I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
5) I don't have an attitude problem, You have a perception problem.
6) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling?
7) My reality check bounced.
8) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
9) I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier!
10) You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
12) Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
13) Be careful . . .A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
14) Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.
15) The more Crap you put up with, the more Crap you are going to get.
16) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
17) So this isn't Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust!
18) Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!
19) I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
20) Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves For they shall never cease to be amused.
21) How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap!
22) "Normal" is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, the car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it!
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
My Life Quiz
| This Is My Life, Rated | |
| Life: |  5.6 |
| Mind: | 5.8 |
| Body: | 6.4 |
| Spirit: |  7.6 |
| Friends/Family: |  4.8 |
| Love: |  0 |
| Finance: | 5.1 |
| Take the Rate My Life Quiz | |
I have to laugh at this.
Big Red and the AP
Well apparently Big Red's accountability partner would not let him off the hook...BUT I'm never ever "allowed" to talk to his AP ever again. Whatever. I pointed out to Big Red that his actions are not exactly screaming, "I want to work this out!" He then deflected the conversation back to me and how I'm not cleaning the house etc. Sigh. I can see this is a losing battle. I have that peace about the situation that only God can give me.
Ode to Big Red
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his Mother used to do.
Disclaimer**** I am not advocating Spousal Abuse in any way.*****
I also did not write this wonderful work.
Ode to Big Red
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his Mother used to do.
Disclaimer**** I am not advocating Spousal Abuse in any way.*****
I also did not write this wonderful work.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Jumping on the wagon too...
I've decided to jump on the band wagon of "Things that I hear at daycare". I've been teaching children in this setting for over 13 years and I always think I've heard it all:
* Over heard in the Dramatic play area.
Child 1: No I get to be the Daddy.
Child 2: No I want to be the Daddy!
Child 1: Ok but YOU still have to bring me the beer.
* We introduced a new alphabet matching game with letters written on chips that resembled Poker chips. After another child pointed out that his daddy plays with those another child decided to quote his Uncle by saying, "Poke her I didn't even know her!" He did not understand why all the teachers broke into laughter.
* We hosted the annual "pajama day" in our classroom. We discussed the different types of PJ's we all had (footy, superman, Blue's Clues etc). When a little girl proclaims in her loudest voice ever, "My Daddy only wears his fur to bed at nighttime!" Now that was a mental picture I didn't need.
* Over heard in the Dramatic play area.
Child 1: No I get to be the Daddy.
Child 2: No I want to be the Daddy!
Child 1: Ok but YOU still have to bring me the beer.
* We introduced a new alphabet matching game with letters written on chips that resembled Poker chips. After another child pointed out that his daddy plays with those another child decided to quote his Uncle by saying, "Poke her I didn't even know her!" He did not understand why all the teachers broke into laughter.
* We hosted the annual "pajama day" in our classroom. We discussed the different types of PJ's we all had (footy, superman, Blue's Clues etc). When a little girl proclaims in her loudest voice ever, "My Daddy only wears his fur to bed at nighttime!" Now that was a mental picture I didn't need.
My First Husband...
I know it's getting near the end when I start referring to Big Red as my First Husband instead of my husband. We had another "incident" today. We went to the cell phone company so that he could contest or dispute the number of phone calls to 20+ years friend STILL on the bill. I'm letting him puff out his chest about this but I've already talked to the manager of the customer service department and know that they can't/won't take calls off a bill if it a number that has been dialed from that phone before undisputed. Did you follow that? Basically Big Red is screwed as far as proving his "innocence" in the matter. We continued the disagreement in the parking lot where he still holds on to the issue with the stripper in the yard talking thing (see the Oct 19 post)! Of course he did nothing wrong.
Now Big Red has decided that he wants a new accountability person. He doesn't like that I have talked to his AP and told him what Big Red has agreed to be accountable for! Excuses excuses. He is still flat out REFUSING to go back to counseling.
After the retreat on the 17th and 18th I will be making a decision with or without him. God has released me but I will give Him that weekend to minister to my heart and speak to me.
Now Big Red has decided that he wants a new accountability person. He doesn't like that I have talked to his AP and told him what Big Red has agreed to be accountable for! Excuses excuses. He is still flat out REFUSING to go back to counseling.
After the retreat on the 17th and 18th I will be making a decision with or without him. God has released me but I will give Him that weekend to minister to my heart and speak to me.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Shopping :o)
I don't have a lot to say today. I do feel much better today. I went shopping and picked up a new pair of shoes and a couple of pairs of jeans for work. I was VERY excited that (since this whole thing started I have dropped a lot of weight about 35 lbs.) I have dropped 2 full sizes in pants! No wonder I kept pulling them up everyday (all day long).
Church was cancelled today because of a lack of power. The massive storms from last night knocked a great deal of limbs down etc. The sanctuary gets pretty dark with no lights or windows. I am amazed at how much I miss that "group act of worship". I think I also miss the social time I get with friends. This makes me really look forward to Weds. night classes.
Church was cancelled today because of a lack of power. The massive storms from last night knocked a great deal of limbs down etc. The sanctuary gets pretty dark with no lights or windows. I am amazed at how much I miss that "group act of worship". I think I also miss the social time I get with friends. This makes me really look forward to Weds. night classes.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Back to reality
I am not feeling well today so I've spent most of the day dinking around on the computer and trying to keep my stomach in check about digesting versus rejecting food. I didn't work on the "assignment" I have at the house because of this but I did BRIEFLY make an appearance there.
When I went to check the mail I amended the agreement I have with Big Red. He now in addition to being faithful MUST contact his accountability partner EVERYDAY. He immediately started backpedaling and saying he would TRY to everyday BUT... AP might be on the internet...doesn't always return my voicemails etc. Excuses excuses.
When I went to check the mail I amended the agreement I have with Big Red. He now in addition to being faithful MUST contact his accountability partner EVERYDAY. He immediately started backpedaling and saying he would TRY to everyday BUT... AP might be on the internet...doesn't always return my voicemails etc. Excuses excuses.
A few more quizzes...do they have 12 step program for this?
| What Your Sleeping Position Says |
You are calm and rational. You are also giving and kind - a great friend. You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games. |
Well well isn't that interesting...
| Your Inner Child Is Happy |
 You see life as simple, and simple is a very good thing. You're cheerful and upbeat, taking everything as it comes. And you decide not to worry, even when things look bad. You figure there's just so many great things to look forward to. |
I wish THIS inner child would have a talk with my REAL inner child!
| You Are Likely a Third Born |
 At your darkest moments, you feel vulnerable. At work and school, you do best when you're comparing things. When you love someone, you tend to like to please them. In friendship, you are loyal to one person. Your ideal careers are: sales, police officer, newspaper reporter, inventor, poet, and animal trainer. You will leave your mark on the world with inventions, poetry, and inspiration. |
Well I am the 3rd born but I'm not sure all this fits me...
| You Passed the US Citizenship Test |
 Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 correct! |
Well not sleeping through US Government in High School has finally paid off.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Another quizzy thingy
Let me state this up front! Just because there is a link within the test to an online dating service DOES NOT mean that I in any way have gone there or am even considering a date....legally I'm married and in God's eyes I'm still married.
| Question mark You scored 61% Sociability and 35% Sophistication! |
You are the soul of the inquiring mind--you are the glory of the scientist and the bane of the pseudo-scientist. But, more than that, you, more than any other, can indicate changes in pitch in dialogue. What other punctuation mark can do that? Yes, you are one of the "common herd." So? The problem with that is . . . ? You get along well with others, because they all respect you. You have no natural enemies. |
 |
My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The Which Punctuation Mark Are You Test written by Gazda on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test |
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