I had forgotten that I had this blog! Life is so different!
I spent some time rereading the first few months of posts and I am amazed at how different my attitude is now compared to then.
Big Red did get remarried to the 20+ years friend from the earlier posts...you know the one he wasn't having an affair with while we were seperated..LOL
I am once again a home owner, my lovely sister and I are living together still, Mommie Dearest is still around and kicking with Beau, God is still on the throne and I strive to grow closer to Him everyday...
I remember being a teenager and I couldn't wait to be 21 on New Year's Eve so I could go out and legally do what I wanted and stay out as late as I wanted without being grounded...
This year I am sad to inform you that I will be sleeping as the clock turns over to 2008. I worked today, I have no money and sleep is just more appealing at this point in my life.
But nonetheless I want to wish you a Happy New Year...Maybe I will post a few resolutions tomorrow that I won't keep past the first week.
This movie was released 20 years ago? Could it really be that long ago? I remember seeing it when it was released in ...gulp....1987.
I still to this day think it is one of my favorite movies ever. In fact I just sat in my bedroom and exchanged quotes with my sister...does that make me a geek? Well then I guess I am OK with that because it will forever be one of my favorites. It helps me connect with my silly side and the hope that true love does exist. I know it takes work but I know there are true gentlemen out there amongst the Prince Humperdinks of the world.
From the area of Indiana this article caught my attention on the Associated Press:
Parrot mimics alarm, saves family
Associated Press
MUNCIE – A noisy parrot that likes to imitate sounds helped save a man and his son from a house fire by mocking a smoke alarm, the bird’s owner says.
Shannon Conwell, 33, said he and his 9-year-old son fell asleep on the couch while watching a movie. They awoke about 3 a.m. Friday to find their home on fire after hearing the family’s Amazon parrot, Peanut, imitating a fire alarm.
“He was really screaming his head off,” Conwell said.
The smoke alarm had activated, but it was the bird’s call that caught Conwell’s attention. “I grabbed my son and my bird, and got out of the house,” he said.
The fire destroyed the home’s dining room, kitchen and bedroom, Muncie fire officials said. It remains under investigation.
Aside from Peanut, Conwell said the fact that he and his son fell asleep on the couch helped save them. They may not have heard the alarm or the bird had they been asleep in their bedrooms.
Conwell said he runs an air conditioner and a breathing machine in his bedroom that drown out a lot of noise around the house.
Can you imagine? I am not a big fan of Big Birds being in houses and my sister would have a coronary if I even suggested it... It's not that I don't like birds I just get a little nervous in enclosed places with them...not the same as my fear of bats...those are just N-A-S-T-Y.
With that being said...With the insurance money from the fire I am POSITIVE that bird would have the nicest cage and treats I could find!
On another note...
I found this trailer on YouTube for the famous Alfred Hitchcock movie The Birds.
I will warn you that it is mostly him talking but around the 4 minute mark a live bird makes an appearance and by around 4 1/2 minutes I was shuttering and my cat was batting at the computer screen...so if you do not like birds...DO NOT watch this video clip.
I can't believe it has been almost a year since I got back from Jamaica! It was one of the most difficult weeks in my life yet at the same time the most rewarding, meaningful, fulfilling and special weeks of my life as well.
I know off and on I have talked about how much I miss being there. I have come to the conclusion that I miss the closeness I felt to God and to my friends more than anything else. Yes I really enjoyed building the entertainment center , the experiences and the views at the waterfalls.
I also miss seeing the smiling little faces of the children at the home. I think because we went as a group of only women the children bonded to us more than other groups. It took a while to warm up to us but once they chose you it was over they had your heart.
One little boy kept coming over and touching my arm, looking at it and saying, "Whoa!" After several days of doing this I asked. Apparently the children had never seen someone as white as me before. Yes Caucasian people had been there MANY times but I am the palest of pale white colors. In the winter you can hold up a piece of paper to my legs and compare the color with a degree of certainty.
I miss being able to make time with God and 9 other women every morning to just set in His presence and pray. That week marked the changing point in my life. God watched out for me (and others in the group) in more ways than you can imagine. The first night there "someone" tried to break into our house in the middle of the night...I slept through it but not everyone did. That in itself is a miracle...I have to feel safe to sleep and the fact that I was not awakened helped me feel safe enough to sleep the rest of the week. I did have a small TIA down there that passed very quickly...of course on the morning I was speaking at the Bible college.
Tomorrow I am meeting one of the ladies from the trip for coffee. There are also several others from the trip that I would not hesitate to call. The friendships formed on this trip will last a lifetime.
Kind of ironic considering how I argued with God all the way through the process, right up to the point on the airport runway when I looked at the friend next to me and said, "Oh crap. I'm going to Jamaica!"
I stumbled on this video today and all of my memories of the conference came flooding back to me... I need to remember in the midst of the storm that I am still free in Christ.
I remember very little about my junior high and early high school years. I have blocked most of it out as it was a very dark time in my life....
BUT.... I do remember going on a few Youth Group excursions to see concerts in far away cities...well sometimes they were only a day trip. I remember the first time I saw DC Talk in concert was in Dayton Ohio when I was at a 3 day conference/youth rally.
And if that doesn't take you back to the 80's then I am sure that one of my other favorites from that same rally will. I LOVE Whiteheart! The first time I heard this song about forgiveness it was a totally new concept to me. I grew up in a house where everything was held over your head. To this day I am still reminded by my Mom of the time I spilled a quart of paint on the carpet and how they didn't have enough money to go buy more paint because it was a special color etc etc etc etc etc...
The little dialog he has before the song really helped me to understand what forgiveness was about for the first time. Of course it took another 14 years before the concept of God's love really sunk in but nonetheless here is one of my other early favorites.
So after fighting with my old computer and battling a virus (and being off line for almost a month) I am back!!!!
My computer guru sister has assembled a new computer system for me and after much debugging, defragmenting and fine tuning I am finally up and running! I think she got me back online to help deal with the REALLY ODD emails that our Mommy Dearest has been sending :o)
I have so much to say but I will start slow and catch you (all 4 readers I have) up over the next several days.
THE UN-ANNIVERSARY:
So earlier this month I would have had my 6th wedding anniversary. It happened to correspond with the Women of Faith conference this year. This helped tremendously. The theme was Amazing Freedom and that is what I was trying to grasp onto as this day rolled closer.
I am Free.
I am free of Big Red. I am free of the pain he has brought into my life. I am free to live my life according to God's will. I am free to date. I am free to hold onto God tightly as my Rock and source of courage and strength. I am free to be me!
It is a lot easier to type that out than live that out. But I try.
I have been reading a lot in the Message version of the Bible lately. This has caught my eye:
2 Corinthians 5:17
16-20Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We're Christ's representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God's work of making things right between them. We're speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he's already a friend with you.
I have learned many things while sitting at a strange place checking my email.
One of which is that teens swear....a lot....
They can swear and put some of the military men I have known in my life to shame.
I do have many many many things to post about but until my computer is internet ready you will have to wait with patience...
I just passed my First wedding anniversary as a divorced woman....Women of Faith was awesome....I am hiring at work again....we are opening a new room to deal with our high numbers of new students....
But alas until my computer guru from yonder visits you will need to wait...
If you have read this blog for very long you will know that I am not a Pink Feather Boa type of girl.
You will also know that I live in my Mother's house and she does not.
She made an appearance at the humble home today while I was gone.
Every time she comes somehow my bed gets filled with things.
Today I came home to find a Pink Feather Boa wrapped around a hat, a trash can, a newspaper and a lampshade all on my bed. They had moved a file cabinet out of my bedroom and replaced it with an end table. I knew they were coming and had prepared my room the best I could but somehow these things HAD to be placed on my bed.
THEN she had enough nerve to reprimand me for not having a dresser or Chest of Drawers in my bedroom yet! I explained that it was buried in the garage and I couldn't get to either of them.
She said if I got rid of the Pepsi boxes (which I was saving for a Fort at work) I would have enough room for the stuff in the garage to come in the house.
There are 7 boxes. Total.
It is a full one car garage.
Hmmmmmm.
I don't think so.
I did manage to stop short of telling her to get her crap out of the house so I can see the house uncluttered before I buy it!
I have been generally annoyed the last few days. I am not sure what the deal is...but a few things I know have contributed to my mood...
I can't get my scooter started. Yes it has gas , the battery is charged and I have checked all the filters etc which is about as far as I can go without taking the chance at seriously messing it up. My knuckles are sore from tinkering with it today.
The fireworks going off until 2 in the morning are wearing on my very last nerve. My cat is not thrilled with them either. Those screaming bottle rockets are about to get shoved somewhere the sun doesn't shine.
Sometimes working with a group of women can be wonderful. They can be the most supportive and caring people you will ever meet. Sometimes they only look out for themselves and can be the whiniest, nasty, caddy people you can ever meet. The whole "cycle" at the same time thing can really get UGLY.
Sometimes facing a problem can be heart wrenching.
It has been just over 5 years since I have had a drink.
I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant about 2 weeks after a Bachelorette party for a friend..where I had been drinking. That was the twins. I lost them a month later and 7 weeks later. Of course I blamed the drinks I had for the reason I miscarried them. Now I know better but then it was different.
I also have always had a problem with stopping at 1 or 2 drinks...therefore I just don't drink. I used to drink 2 entire bottles of cheap wine without really phasing me much. It usually took the better part of a fifth of anything to have any effect. But I never really stopped until a friend took me home or I passed out.
Therefore I just don't drink.
Well until today.
On my way home I stopped to get a gallon of milk and saw those cute little bottles of White Russians.
I bought a 4 pack.
I will not be purchasing anymore. Nothing has changed. I was well through the third bottle before I stopped to think about it.
But hey it is my 600th post today so why not celebrate and thin the blood a little while I am at it!
As I have posted before my Dad was my Superman. Today was the 8 year mark since he passed away. Even all these years later, on this day, I can look at the clock and tell you what I was doing at that exact time on THE day. I know my Mom is happy with Beau. My Dad would want her to be taken care of... it is just still hard to swallow at times.
The other part of my day has me quite excited! I went to the license branch today and went inside expecting a line. I walked up to the counter directly and they sent me to take my test. I took the test AND renewed my plates for the car and was out the door in less than 20 minutes!
Yes you read that correctly 20 stinking minutes.... I think it must be a record of some sort... at least for me anyway!
Anyway back to this test. That's right. I passed! I am now an official permit carrying motorcycle wannabe chick! Now let the REAL shopping begin for a motorcycle!
And yes Patty... I am keeping the car for when the weather gets crummy. And yes I will wear a full face helmet with the wind guard... Any more concerns out there?
So the dealership called today again...they sweetened the deal.
You see the itch comes from a few issues:
1. I didn't really pick out the car I currently own. It was purchased a month or so before the wedding and it was deemed the "family car". This was the 4 door soon-to-be-mom-mobile. This was the car we purchased that would be used to transport the children when we decided to have them. The thing that burns is that I really believe he never intended on having children with me. So why this car?
2. I am newly divorced and I need to rebuild some of my credit. No matter how good your credit was before a divorce it always seems to take it's toll on the score. So the car will be nicer and in better condition than what I own. My payments won't be too much higher than what I pay now (providing the deal goes through as planned). And I will be rebuilding the credit in my new/old name.
3. I could use a little fun right now. Going from the family car to a sporty VW Bug will provide some fun and will lift the self esteem a little.
4. If this car doesn't work out I can guarantee you that I will have a newer more reliable car within a month or so. It may not be a Bug but it will not need as much work as mine.
I did have the manly man who understands these kinds of cars that I know take it for a test drive and kick the tires and such. I got the thumbs up from him.
When I was a kid I loved to blow the tops off dandelions after they had turned white and fuzzy. I never understood the look on my Dad's face the first time he saw me do it and asked/screamed/yelled for me to never ever ever do that again. Now that I have my own yard to mow. I understand.
By the way just how fast can a dandelion grow in a 24 hour period?
The best definition of Insanity I have ever heard is this: Continuing to do the same thing the same way and expecting different results.
I love Birkenstock sandals... However I can rarely afford them...they MUST be on sale for me to purchase a pair.
I have known way too many friends on this list....well and a few relatives.
I am pretty close to buying a different car. I just need to line up the financing with the credit union.
I bought a fish for the tank at work today. Very hardy, hard to kill fish for the daycare tank.
I have one employee that I am considering running off this image and attaching it to the write up she will receive this week. It highlights the top 5 infractions this week. Big infractions. Policy violating the handbook type infractions.
My dad used to use this expression and most of the time the thought of it sends chills up my spine. It is however very fitting for the situation she has placed herself in.
Every time I hear a song by Rich Mullins it takes me back to when my faith was new. When my Dad passed away a song by Rich Mullins was sung at the funeral. I was so touched by this song that I went out and bought the CD that contained the song. I can't find this song on You Tube but I did find another of my favorites...
The Jordan is waiting for me to cross through My heart is aging I can tell So Lord, I'm begging For one last favor from You Here's my heart take it where You will
This life has shown me how we're mended And how we're torn How it's okay to be lonely as long as you're free Sometimes my ground was stoney And sometimes covered up with thorns And only You could make it what it had to be And now that it's done Well, if they dressed me like a pauper Or if they dined me like a prince If they lay me with my fathers Or if my ashes scatter on the wind I don't care
CHORUS: But when I leave I want to go out like Elijah With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire And when I look back on the stars Well, It'll be like a candlelight in Central Park And it won't break my heart to say goodbye
There's people been friendly But they'd never be your friends Sometimes this has bent me to the ground Now that this is all ending I want to hear some music once again 'Cause it's the finest thing I have ever found
But the Jordan is waiting Though I ain't never seen the other side They say you can't take in The things you have here So on the road to salvation I stick out my thumb and He gives me a ride And His music is already falling on my ears
There's people been talking They say they're worried about my soul Well, I'm here to tell you I'll keep rocking 'Til I'm sure it's my time to roll And when I do
CHORUS(2x)
I listened to this song over and over for about a year and a half. Then Big Red and I were married and God truly brought me to my knees where I had nowhere else to turn except to Him. After a year of not listening to this CD I sat in my living room one day and listened to the entire CD...several times as I cried. I had been attending church for a few months but I didn't understand what he was singing about on an intimate level and I wanted it...that thing he had. The next Sunday in Church is when I got it...I mean really understood.
Maybe I will blog about that later as it is time for me to get ready for church.
It is THE day. THE day that I wrote about last year. THE day that I found out about the Adultery.
It has been 2 years since that day. I am emotional this week but I think it has more to do with Mother's Day, a D & C anniversary and well.... hormones to be honest.
I find it strange that something that so consumed me last year at this time is something I may not even think about on any given day.
Now that is what I call progress!
I know my emotions are healing and I am not so focused on the negative. I still am not sure I am ready to date yet even though the possibility is there.
I don't think it is the fear of being hurt (although that plays into it) but rather more about not wanting to give up this new found freedom. The freedom to come and go as I want. The freedom to run around in my PJ's until noon on Saturday if I want. The freedom to take off on my scooter and put 30 miles on it if I want before coming home.
Don't misunderstand me. It still hurts when I think about that level of rejection. Unless you have walked that road in your marriage I don't believe you can truly understand that level of rejection and pain.
And the ANGER. I still have my moments that I want to tattoo a red A for adultery on his forehead. Spray paint it on the house or the truck.
I won't.
Anger needs to be constructive not destructive. At least that is what I learned in counseling a few years ago.
I am still healing and growing in my faith every day. As long as I move forward soon I won't look back in the same way. I will look back at how God has brought me through this experience. I have already begun to share my story with others in similar situations. If I can help someone else then maybe just maybe it can make a little more sense as to why I walked though this.
Next to my work there is a billboard just like this one that says something about life begins at conception. They are all over town. I have seen them that say things about the number of couples waiting to adopt babies, this child will find the cure for breast cancer etc etc etc.
I agree with the idea behind them. I have not always believed this way but the important thing is that I do now because of my belief in God. I have always wanted children, dreamed of the day when I could have them. Mother's Day is always hard for me.
Billboards like this one always tug at my heart strings because these are the only images I have of my children. I only have ultrasound pictures of a few of them. Most of them have been given names and certain dates are harder than others. Earlier this week I passed the 5 year mark of the last D and C which marked the death of the second twin. Yes I miscarried them separately...3 weeks apart. I didn't cry this year. Progress is a slow thing.
Mother's Day I am going to the 1st service at my church so that my sister and I can meet Mom and Beau for lunch. I am hoping a few of my friends are switching services as well for the day so I will have someone to sit with in case it doesn't go well.
I am optimistic...I am hoping it will go well. Billboards like this don't help me. But I know they may stop someone from having an abortion or making a mistake they will regret.
Sorry I have been missing in action lately. Rest assured that my cat is not happy with my absence from home either.
Once I hire a couple part timers you will be seeing me more often.
On to the highlight reel:
Mom and Beau have been scarce in these parts recently. I am not complaining but my inbox has been much more free from the numerous daily emails.
Big Red has FINALLY gotten my name off the house! YEAH! Only the truck to go and we will have no (current) financial ties.
I was able to download the coolest ring tone to my cell phone. Have you guessed it yet? .....The Superman theme song! All for the low price of $1.99!
Stomach flu and seasonal allergies are the topics at work right now. Let me tell you how NASTY it can be when a baby is eating sweet potatoes and then ah..ahhhh.....aaahhhhh......Achoo! Yeah not one of the "perks" of my job.
There is a cool little local coffee shop across from my work. They make GREAT white chocolate mocha's 20 oz for only about $2.50.
Unfortunately Dairy Queen is also very close to my work...I foresee a potential problem there.
One of the "perks" of my job is being needed to help a tired baby be rocked to sleep. There is one little one whose Mom is built in a similar way as I am in the chest department who loves to nuzzle up to me and coo and she drifts off to sleep.
Oddities are common around here. People for instance...you will not believe this but this woman actually does look like one of my Grandma's. However it would have been a cigarette not a cigar.
Working in the field I am in I tend to come across odd children and parents. 'Nuff said.
But I have always been fascinated by odd names. So I have compiled a list of odd names either that I have known personally or that I have stumbled across on the internet.
JOHN BATH married ELIZABETH DUCKEM Launceston, 03/12/1650.
CHARLES SWINE married JANE HAM Perranzabuloe , 13/01/1711
ISREAL KNEEBONE Crowan - MR/MB/81, buried 13/02/1937, aged 87 years.
And there are 13 sets of twins floating around with the names of Mia and Mya...either of these by themselves are easily two of my favorite names but can you imagine standing at the back door yelling out into the yard for them? It reminds me of Mama Mia!
I live my life for God and no one else. I am working toward becoming a responsible adult if that is possible :o)
Join me as I cough up a few skeletons from the past and hopefully try not to bury any more in the closet.
