Sigh..... the struggles of life

So I had a mandatory work function this evening...and to my surprise some of my coworkers had mixed drinks at this event. To their credit they did not flaunt this and even tried to keep this little adventure a secret from me.

I was pretty sure at various times I had smelled alcohol on them but thought maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Someone accidentally gave it away in front of me because he was unaware that I not supposed to know.

I know that I can't force people around me to NOT drink.... BUT if it is a mandatory WORK event that I must be at is it really fair to ask the alcoholic to be around it and not stumble and drink? It wasn't as if I could be at the event and not be around those people. We had to be in close proximity to each other.

I have been sober for about 4 years. I am not going to say I have had NOTHING to drink in 4 years because I have slipped and fallen off the wagon on a few occasions. But I have not had anything to drink in 10 months... including tonight. The key for me is that when I do stumble in this area (well really any area for that matter) I need to ask forgiveness from God, forgive myself, be accountable to someone by owning up to my mistake and start over. I am not willing to give up being sober!

I also tend to get discouraged if I start my "sobriety time" over just because I make a mistake. That is why I hold onto the 4 years instead of the 10 months time frame. I also know I have friends I can text or call that will ask me about it the next day. But at the same time I also know if they receive that call or text that they will pray for me.

But above all I try not to place myself in a position where I have to make that choice which brings me back around to mandatory work functions and the presence of alcohol....

I guess I am just venting a little frustration. Soberly venting.

My newest goal

So I am onto a new journey! I am on a journey to lose a little weight and get healthier.

When I was going through the divorce with Big Red I lost just over 80 pounds. Not through any big effort or change in my diet but purely out of stress.

Now I am NOT recommending a divorce or
affair as a means to lose weight but I should have continued on the path while I had a good head start on things.

But alas here I sit.

I am reacquainting myself with the food pyramid. I honestly had not given it much thought after the test I had in Health class many many years ago.

Being 5' 7 I graduated High School right around 100 pounds...no it was not an eating disorder. But I didn't really NEED to watch what I ate. Then the miscarriages started and the depression sunk in. I turned to many things for comfort including food. Now here I sit almost 20 years later and easily twice that weight. I don't own a scale, and have no intention of buying one.

Yes I do want to lose some weight but the overall goal is more about starting to live a healthier lifestyle and getting comfortable in my own skin again.

God has started showing me that I hide behind my weight and my humor. I have become the stereotypical funny chubby friend. He is showing me that in order to grow in Him and fulfill His desires and dreams for my life I need to get things straightened out in this area.

I need to stop hiding and step into the freedom He has for me!

So join me on this journey or just cheer me on. But either way please be assured I will still be funny or at least crack myself up on occasion...

Ouch

I know this may sound really odd but my tongue really hurts! When I look in the mirror it looks like I have several taste buds swollen, irritated and inflamed.

I thought maybe I was doing that crazy sucking thing when I sleep again. I know that sounds odd but apparently I suck on my own tongue when I sleep at times...

Given that I have worked with children and seen almost every ailment known to mankind I have ruled those out. I am not currently working with children so it would make it highly unlikely at best.

Oh Well just another oddity of my life...

Whew!

These last 2 1/2 weeks have been enough to make me want to start smoking again!

Here are the highlights (or lowlights depending on your perspective):

I have written up an employee...suspended her...and now at the request of my supervisors fired her because of her actions. Talk about a nice start to the day at 6:30 am!

I have come precariously close to losing a major funding source. I think I managed to pull that one out of the crapper in the nick of time.

I am in the midst of completing a 9 hour online training so that I can test out of it on Friday.

I informed my Mom today that an apartment has been chosen and the move in date is a week from Saturday! I am trying to talk her into selling me the washer and dryer from the current house to take with me but....

I have worked several 12 hour days (oh the joys of being on salary!), worked the last 3 Saturdays and one Sunday (for a few hours) and been told that I needed to put in more overtime to get things done.

Hmmmmmmm....

The thing that bugs me about this is I could go to a Department store and make what I do now (if not more) and only work 40 hours a week. BUT this happens to be my passion and where God wants me right now.

See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil

My Mother did teach me one thing I remember very vividly:

If you don't have anything nice to say...
Don't say anything at all!

Apparently not everyone's Mom taught them this phrase.

At times I wonder if my Mom remembers this as well.

This is one of those old standards along the lines of...
Put on clean underwear every morning
and
Don't actually sit down on public toilet seats...just hover.

Are kids these days taught these things?

I know someone a mere 10 years younger than myself who I
am pretty sure missed these life lessons.

Post # 600

It has been just over 5 years since I have had a drink.

I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant about 2 weeks after a Bachelorette party for a friend..where I had been drinking. That was the twins. I lost them a month later and 7 weeks later. Of course I blamed the drinks I had for the reason I miscarried them. Now I know better but then it was different.

I also have always had a problem with stopping at 1 or 2 drinks...therefore I just don't drink. I used to drink 2 entire bottles of cheap wine without really phasing me much. It usually took the better part of a fifth of anything to have any effect. But I never really stopped until a friend took me home or I passed out.

Therefore I just don't drink.

Well until today.

On my way home I stopped to get a gallon of milk and saw those cute little bottles of White Russians.

I bought a 4 pack.

I will not be purchasing anymore. Nothing has changed. I was well through the third bottle before I stopped to think about it.

But hey it is my 600th post today so why not celebrate and thin the blood a little while I am at it!