I guess I should feel sad?

Once upon a time I posted this little rant about Michael Jackson.

And now today I find out he has died.

I didn't like the guy. I thought he was a pervert and should have been listed on an offender registry.

On one hand my thought was, "Good he can't hurt any more little children!"

On the other hand the man changed music and dance forever by what he did in his professional life.

On the other hand (no one is counting them right?) I thought, "Dang Satan won another one!"

Now I do not profess to know what his faith was or even have any kind of knowledge about his relationship with God but looking at how he lived his life I would venture a guess that it was not a close intimate relationship.

This saddens me. Not because of who he is but because of the awesomeness Michael missed out on in a relationship with God.

Not to forget that Ed McMahon passed away this week and Farrah Faucett as well.

But because of the big wacky life Jackson lived those deaths are overshadowed by the rehashing of the molestation trials, the payoffs and the oddities of his life.

Nonetheless he had lupus and that does hit a little too close to home for me.

A new link that I like....

So I have a site that I am starting to really like....it allows for being honest and completely unknown in frank discussions about God, Dreams and other women's issues as well.

Go check it out here.

I'll wait here while you go check it out and let me know your thoughts....

Sigh..... the struggles of life

So I had a mandatory work function this evening...and to my surprise some of my coworkers had mixed drinks at this event. To their credit they did not flaunt this and even tried to keep this little adventure a secret from me.

I was pretty sure at various times I had smelled alcohol on them but thought maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Someone accidentally gave it away in front of me because he was unaware that I not supposed to know.

I know that I can't force people around me to NOT drink.... BUT if it is a mandatory WORK event that I must be at is it really fair to ask the alcoholic to be around it and not stumble and drink? It wasn't as if I could be at the event and not be around those people. We had to be in close proximity to each other.

I have been sober for about 4 years. I am not going to say I have had NOTHING to drink in 4 years because I have slipped and fallen off the wagon on a few occasions. But I have not had anything to drink in 10 months... including tonight. The key for me is that when I do stumble in this area (well really any area for that matter) I need to ask forgiveness from God, forgive myself, be accountable to someone by owning up to my mistake and start over. I am not willing to give up being sober!

I also tend to get discouraged if I start my "sobriety time" over just because I make a mistake. That is why I hold onto the 4 years instead of the 10 months time frame. I also know I have friends I can text or call that will ask me about it the next day. But at the same time I also know if they receive that call or text that they will pray for me.

But above all I try not to place myself in a position where I have to make that choice which brings me back around to mandatory work functions and the presence of alcohol....

I guess I am just venting a little frustration. Soberly venting.

The whirlwind of my weekend

I missed the wedding yesterday because I was working but made it to the reception.

Granted it was not a family wedding so you will not hear stories of the rednecks or cowboys.

This reception had a few cultural events I was unfamiliar with...some sort of train dance where you attempt to knock the bride and groom off the chairs they are standing on...

I realized that sometimes a wedding isn't a happy occasion for all involved. I saw sad faces mixed in with the happiness.

But most importantly I saw a family coming together to support each other. I saw a friend who supported the Mother of one of the youngsters getting married and helped her hold her emotions together for the event.

I learned what support looks like from the outside. I have learned in my life to be supportive but I don't recall in my family ever seeing anyone else supporting each other. I have seen defending, belittling, codependency, alcoholism and many other things but not support in a healthy way.

I am currently in a season where I am learning about healthy relationships. I am learning about friendships and other ways to be emotionally healthy. I have started down this path before and even thought I had it under control at points but this time I am involving God in the process at a much deeper level.

What I will take away from this wedding is the realization that my friends ROCK! With all of my faults and flaws they love me for me.... just like God does.

So today I have started making an effort to tell those around me how much I love them and how important they are to me. I want them to know that I too love them with all their faults and flaws...I love them for their imperfect humanness!

Progress........

So apparently there is a skinny woman begging to come out from underneath this junk food inspired layer of fat!

I have already dropped one full pants size in just under 2 weeks! WooHooo! I am doing the happy dance!

I am being very purposeful about anything that goes in my mouth. Well and drowning it all in water several times a day :o)

I have chosen not to purchase a scale and track my weight in that way because this is more about getting healthier than the actual number of pounds.

Maybe when there is a significant loss then I will post one of those pictures of a skinny person standing in a huge pair of pants. LOL